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Random Q&A:
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1) How is loss like flying a kite very high?

-You no longer see the kite, but the string still keeps tugging. And if you see the kite again, chances are it's going to crash.

2) How is practicing archery blindfolded like playing the piano with your teeth?

-You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention.

3) How is teaching children like talking to politicians?

-Either way, no one listens.

4) How is loneliness like watching b-movies?

-Alcohol makes it more manageable.

5) How do you know that your depression is severe?

-You can watch porn all day without getting an erection.

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Questions without answers.
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Is happiness too much to ask from life?

Why is the web administrator of Pro Life Philippines a godless idiot and heretic?

Why is it that I just can't seem to succeed in the things I want?

Why are most of my successes unsought?

Why is it that, after years of not asking much from life, when I finally decide that I really want something, every damn thing that can go wrong goes wrong?

Why is it that recently, people close to me think I'm joking, lying, or that I don't really know what I want?

Why must I pay for every brief moment of gladness with an eternity of sorrow?

Sigh. Maybe joy lies not in this life but in the next, wherever that is.

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I'd hate to sound like I'm raining on everyone's parade. I know selfishness is never justified. Ignore everything you just read if it helps. It's not like there are more than two of you reading this anyway, and the other one is in Baguio.

Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year to all.

Another Poem

Acrostic (Note 1)

Kaleidoscope emotions seductively shimmer,
Impulses subverting my sacred order.
Love, longing, uncontrollable ardor,
Lust, avarice, despicable desire.

My mind's made malleable without a warning,
Emotions long silenced undermining being.

Never did I wish to meet one who
Oppresses my soul beyond limits I knew.
Wrecked I am now by feelings askew.

Notes:
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1 As the title says, the piece is acrostic. Put together, the first letters at the start of each line would form a phrase that fits the mood of the poem.

Awful poem again.

Solipsism

I had seen you all.
I saw you shuffling along in your stilettos,
Your friend came with the expensive blush and perfume,
And your cat purred affectionately every time.

I can see you all.
I see you laugh, smile, and make merry.
Engaging in small talk, gossip, tete-a-tetes.
Sipping fine wine with au lait cru cheese.

To you I am invisible.
No matter, I can see you perfectly.
I see every smile, laugh, giggle, and sigh.
While you cannot see me cry.

One cannot hurt those who see him not.
The unseen may hurt himself alone.

For this has become my vow:
To have and hold none,
My sickness be your health,
Till death stand apart.

Notes:
1 Guys, don't read too deeply into this. You know who you are--trust me this is harmless. Meant to be a general statement not directed at anyone. Its been in my file for ages and's only been posted now.

2 Second draft.

3 Tried making it acrostic and failed misarably.

English Week

Our school celebrates English Week this week. i hope the little imps have something good in store for their poetry recitals. I don't see why they take so long to make a good performance. We were making 5-star shows overnight back in college.

Oh, and for everyone I promised a free dinner to (basically everyone I treated like an ass during my severe depression) I'm free this Saturday and Sunday night. Buzz me, and try to get Jf in on the fun.

Finally Over

My deep emotional slump has ended. Those two weeks of wanting to kill everyone in sight hopefully won't repeat themselves anymore.

So, exactly what am I doing now? Well, for one I've been spending quality time playing Soul Calibur III. It's nowhere near as impressive as the first Soul Calibur for the Dreamcast, that's for sure. But it IS still fun. They toned down Talim to the point of absurdity though. Bastards.

Nest I've been training my students for their choral interpretation contest for English Week. My seniors are easy enough to work with. They practice without me having to do anything. It's the sophomores who have to go to hell. Basically I've given up all hope of having one peaceful day with those demons. Yes, the imps have graduated to demons. In particular I have my eight special demons: Scarlmingione, Cagnazzo, Rubicante, Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, and Loki, and Mephisto. They all need to die soon. Yes. Die.

When I'm alone I am at peace, especially at home. My books and bed keep me company, as well as the occassional YM chat with pals. You people are lifesavers.

Trash

I guess people have realized that I've been jerking off lately. Big time. Maybe people saw how I got so dead drunk during movie night last Saturday that I had to clamber up the stairs like a stoned goon and sleep, leaving the drinking dudes clueless as to what I was up to. Actually that was fun--emptied a bottle of GSM Blue on my own. For that brief moment I actually felt happy. Well, more of blank. But blank beats hellish.

Before that I picked a fight with Marco Rivera just for the heck of it. Yesterday I argued with Ban about a very worthless topic. And I guess my students have seen that I just have no drive lately. Heck, I did not even have the energy to blow off mokong when I met him head-on.

Maybe it's also evident how people have realized that everything I'm saying has been double-edged lately. Eda in particular must have noticed this. When I said good luck though, I meant it.

Hmmm, I also remembered the time that I went all psycho on Kathy. Good thing she still txts me back. She's more patient than I thought.

Wow, I think there's no one who hasn't gotten a dose of my personal hell. Sister Yasa must've realized how my answers in class are sloppy lately. Even my mom has taken notice. Hell, I've been posting crap messages on Friendster antagonizing practically everyone in my list.

Guys, just be patient with me. If and when I get over this I'll treat everyone out. Promise.

For now I need to have my one true solace by my side.

My shotglass.

Random Shit

Beer and gin are the nectar of the gods. Hell IS other people. The truly powerful are those who stand alone.

Sometimes I wish everyone just died.

Thank you.