Go Saikyo Sensei Mig! For Great Justice!

So, I had my first taste of the educator's life today. It lasted only half a day, but I learned quite a bit. I was told basically to prepare to teach world literature to fourth year students and love poetry to second year students, and I was also made to proctor one exam.

Yes, you read that right. My third year sections have been changed into ones for fourth year, and I'm actually glad, since it was something I was planning to do all along. Not to be mean, but third year students have a unique penchant for destruction. All the same, I still do have a slight chance of getting third year sections, but I am really hoping to teach fourth year.

So, am I returning tomorrow? Well, we agreed to just lay off the school visits for a while and then to focus on getting my NBI clearance, SSS number, and TIN. When all those have been done, then the saga of Saikyo Sensei Mig can truly start. And to those wondering what the heck "saikyo sensei" means, it's Japanese for "strongest teacher."

Until then, I will be keeping you people posted. Posted on my struggles as I fight for everlasting peace, and for great justice!

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More Silly Haiku
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Anyway, this week's haiku is all just for fun. Nothing too deep or profound. Just plain retarded. Enjoy!

I) Thunder

A peal of thunder
The sound of flowing rivers
Shrieks of shocked swimmers.

II) Deep River

Man ties weight 'round neck
Jumps into the deep river
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

III) Smell

Neither rain nor sun
May keep me from saying this
Dang, you really stink.

IV) Sesame Street

Big Bird yaps too much
Angry man takes out his gun
Bang! Big Bird silent.

News and Stuff

1) Firstly, I have formally shut down my rants blog, The FAB. I figured that it would cauyse quite a scandal if I were to have an inquisitive student suddenly come across his teacher's obscene blog. I won't be able to keep doing things that way, so I shut the blog down for good.

2) We're all go for the 10th of September. Cool. If any other people here would wanna come with us, well, please buy your own tickets. It's not like there's a ticket shortage, as of Sunday multiple slots were still available.

3) Still haven't figured out the hidden quirk in my last poem? Man, that's sad. Basically it's in the meter.

4) Ok, let's keep it at that!

Neo Semi-Literary Poetry

Hello people! Here again is my latest edition of semi-literary poetry, this time in haiku form.


I) Beauty

Thy face unholy
Of it to you I will tell
Go now to hell.

II) Harmony

Beneath a tree shade
Nothing around this place stirs
I am all alone.

III) Omen

The sun is shining
The birds, they sing lustfully.
Ill omens indeed.

IV) To Faith

If you are my friend,
Why reopen old wounds?
What's done has been done.

(Author's note: Dedicated to a friend who has not quite grasped the fact that there are many fish in the sea. Hey, you caught yours--when I finally get around to buying myself a sturdy fishing pole and a can of worms I'll go catch some myself).

V) Tribute To A Song

I thought you a sister
At least until I saw
Your face a bit better.

(Author's Note 1: For those who know Parokya, you probably already know the song alluded to here.
Note 2: This is a tribute to Parokya in more ways than just the words. Closer examination of it will reveal that I purposefully wrote it in such a way that bible-fanatics might have a reason to bash the poem. I did this not so much to bash my religious beliefs, but just to add a bit of hidden naughtiness to it that is invisible to the naked eye. Clue: it's in the form--and it's not really a haiku >:)

A Few Random Rants:

1) Found this article on Gamespot today: "Researchers: violent games rub off on kids." Wow. It took them THAT long to realize the obvious. I can almost cry with laughter. C'mon: exposing anyone to a violent environment/situation, even if simulated like in a videogame, will breed aggression. Now, I won't take the moral high ground here, as I myself am an avid videogame player. I'm only gonna say what I've been saying for ages now: kids and games don't mix.

2) I've also come to realize that if and when I start working, the whole focus of the blog will have to change drastically. I'll have to quit all the negativity and procrastination. Let's be realistic here: there's a decent chance that a student of mine will dig up into my personal life and find this site. I cannot have him see all the negative rants I put here. So, what will I do to this site? Change its name to "Tama na ang procrastination" and risk getting sued for copyright infringement? Should I turn it into a teacher's journal? Won't that be a breach of ethics?

Anyway, suggestions are welcome.

Top 200: I Lemme See How Many I've Watched

Yo. I had a little chat over the phone with a friend who was curious about the anime "Love Hina." At first, I was surprised. Seeing as this anime is geared towards males, I found it odd that she was so curious about it. Anyway, I filled her in on the details, then gave her the url to the biggest anime database on the web today: www.animenfo.com. After scoping out the site, our talk turned to a discussion of the top 200 anime listed on the site. I found this feature interesting, as I hadn't seriously looked at it until now. Anyway, I decided to write a post looking into how many of these anime had I actually watched--plus my honest opinion of them. Let's see:

1 Rurouni Kenshin - Reminiscence (1999)
- Ah yes, the bloody, usanitized OVA detailing Kenshin Himura's life before he quit killing people. This is a classic.

3 Fullmetal Alchemist (2003)
-One of Kathy's all-time favorites. It tells the story of brothers who are looking for a way to reverse a cursed existence they put upon themselves through alchemy. Haven;t seen all of it myself, but hey, it's very popular.

6 Berserk (1997)
-Very violent. Haven't seen it myself. More blood and gore thasn Mortal Kombat. Only Fist of The North Star is bloodier.

7 Cowboy Bebop (1998)
-Great artistic direction, nice cyberpunk/sci-fi leanings. Not too shabby.

9 Hajime no Ippo (2000)
-Aired in GMA7 as "Knockout." Guy show, kinda like "The Contender" only without the real boxers. I personally liked it.

10 Fruits Basket (2001)
-People keep telling me to watch this, but I'm always too busy with GTO or Azumanga Daioh. Must be good, but I've never seen it.

11 Rahxephon (2002)
-Evangelion, only with Egyptian images instead of biblical ones. Watch Eva instead, or better yet, watch none of them.

12 Great Teacher Onizuka (2000)
-How can anyone not know of this classic anime? Fun, fun, fun. Onizuka is my model teacher :P

13 Gundam SEED (2002)
-Trash. Watch the original Kidou Senshi Gundam and its sequels, Kidou Senshi Gundam Z and Kidou Senhi Gundam ZZ instead. Those Backstreet boy rejects have no right piloting a Gundam.

14 Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu! (2003)
-HAHAHA! The funniest Anime of 2003. You owe it to yourself to watch this.

18 Naruto (2002)
-Dragonball with ninjas instead of aliens and monkeymen. Amusing, but nothing deep.

19 Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995)
-Trash.

20 One Piece (1999)
-This is popular and has had as run in GMA, but honestly I can't stand the art direction. The caracters look like retards.

21 Azumanga Daioh (2002)
-This must e the funniest anime in existence. Not even the random post-modern laughtrip offerd by Excel Saga can match the school humor here. Think of Beerkada, only in an all-girls school.

23 Wolf's Rain (2003)
-Popular, but inexplicably so.

24 Love Hina (2000)
-Naughty humor, loser guy as a main character. Funny as hell, but it has its emotional moments.

25 Rurouni Kenshin (1996)
-Arguably the most popular samurai anime of the past decade. I liked it myself.

26 Onegai Teacher (2002)
-Never seen. Literally means "Please Teacher."

27 Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
-Classic art film. Watch it, along with Nausicaa and Spirited Away.

31 Trigun (1998)
-Sci-fi westerns turn me off.

32 Shingetsutan Tsukihime (2003)
-Lunar Legend Tsukihime. Never bothered with it.

34 Furi Kuri (2000)
-Fooly Cooly. Very funny, but I've never seen it.

35 Spirited Away (2001)
-Classic.

36 Midori no Hibi (2004)
-Midori Days in Animax. Naughty humor. Never liked it.

37 My Neighbor Totoro (1988)
-Fly Totoro fly! Hehehehe.

38 Vision of Escaflowne (1996)
-Angsty warrior prince meets stick woman from another world and falls in love with him. Stick woman falls in love with a prince from another kingdom instead. Oh, and they got big robots to slap each other silly with. Migs L loves this.

41 X TV (2001)
-CLAMP methinks. Might be good.

42 Full Metal Panic! (2002)
-Nice mecha show. Not to be mistaken for its cousing Full Metal Panic! Fumoffu, this one isn't as focused on comedy.

43 Rurouni Kenshin - Seisouhen (2001)
-More about Kenshin's bloody past. Nice.

44 Cowboy Bebop - Knockin' on heaven's door (2001)
-Not too bad supposedly. Not my cup of tea.

45 Hunter X Hunter (1999)
-I wonder how many suckers have watched this thinking it was porn. Same creator as YuYuHakusho/Ghostfighter/Poltergeist Report.

47 Gunslinger Girl (2003)
-Girls with guns. Girl enters room then shoots everyone in sight. Nice eh?

48 Witch Hunter Robin (2002)
-Seen in Animax, by everyone else but me.

49 Noir (2001)
-Two girls decide to shoot everyone who deals in the black market/underground/criminal world. I'm not sure, 'cause I've only seen trailers. For sure, there are girls and guns here.

50 Vandread 2 (2001)
-This I liked. That Hibiki is one lucky bastard. He should pick Meia over Dita, damn it.

51 Card Captor Sakura (1998)
-CLAMP goodness. Not too shabby, but not my kind of show.

53 Chrono Crusade (2003)
-Chrono Crusade. Has action, adventure, and time travel. In short, cliche.

54 Bleach (2004)
-Man with ability to see ghosts and spirits gets assigned with the task to banish them from the face of the earth in a modern setting.

56 Inuyasha (2000)
-Fox demon and modern schoolgirl go out to have adventurtes in feudal Japan. Popular, but I never liked it.

57 GetBackers (2002)
-Hot Yayoi action between two specialized retrieval experts. Bleh.

59 Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex 1st GIG (2002)
-Not too bad. Scifi+cyberpunk+detective fiction.

60 Chobits (2002)
-Man meets sexy yet childish android. He then falls madly in love with her. While it sounds dirty, it isn;t as bad as it frst seems. PG-13 though for complex themes.

61 Ai Yori Aoshi (2002)
-A boy suddenly meets his long-forgotten shildhood friend who has become quite a bombshell beauty since they last met. Oh, and she tells him explicitly that she's come to become his wife, plus she's a typical meek, differential Japanese woman. Yup, definitely this one caters to male fantasies. Never liked it.

65 AA! Megami Sama (1993)
-Ah! My Goddess. Loser boy meets stunningly gorgeous Godess who would fulfill his every wish unconditionally. Nope, It ain't porn you sickos, and it's safe for the young ones.

66 Saikano (2002)
-My favorite anime of all time. Definitely R-18, but not for sexual content, but for the deep emotional and psycholigical content.

67 Martian Successor Nadesico (1996)
-Mecha. That's all I know about it.

71 Vandread (2000)
-Three guys find themselves in a starship full of women. Heavenly ain't it?

73 Kanon (2002)
-Good lovestory anime. Too unrealistic, but its viewable enough.

74 Kiddy Grade (2002)
-If you like GONZO anime, you'll like this.

75 AA! Megami Sama: The Movie (2000)
-Ah My Goddess without the comedy. Yup, it sucks.

76 Mahoromatic TV 2 (2002)
-Ecchi. How'd I know? Uhm... post-basted therapy... (I no longer watch these things)

77 Ranma 1/2 (1989)
-Kinky, naughty humor about a boy who turns into a girl when exposed to cold water. PG-13.

78 Ghost in the Shell (1995)
-Classic.

79 Maburaho (2003)
-Think of Harry Potter, only the "boy wizard" is a lousy magician and all the prettiest babes in school want his genes. In short, they want to mother his child because he comes from a line of legendary magicians, though by some twist of fate he has an odd recssive trait of sorts that makes him incapable of using his magic too much. Yup, it's naughty. PG-13.

80 Serial Experiments Lain (1998)
-Not for kids.

82 Tenchi Muyo! OVA (1992)
-Guy meets girls who like his company too much. No, it's not porn.

83 Evangelion: End of Evangelion (1997)
-The good thing about this is that it ended the series.

86 Princess Mononoke (1997)
-Supposedly good. I haven't seen it.

89 Hellsing (2001)
-Vampire story. Bloody, violent, gothic.

90 School Rumble (2004)
-Funny.

94 Excel Saga (1999)
-Funny post-modern anime that parodies everything in reality. The earlier episodes are the best (it gest dull after the latter half of the show).

96 Macross Zero (2002)
-Mecha is good. So is this.

97 Slayers, The (1995)
-Funny adventure story. One of the best ones.

100 Seikai no Senki (2000)
-same

101 Akira (1988)
-Great animation, overrated everywhere else.

102 Kimagure Orange Road TV (1987)
-If you've ever read Culture Crash's "One Day Isang Diwa," this is the anime it ripped its concept from.

105 Pita Ten (2002)
-Unadulterated cuteness.

106 Princess Tutu (2002)
-Yech.

107 Outlaw Star (1998)
-Yech as well.

108 Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (1984)
-Should be number 1.

109 .hack//SIGN (2002)
-overrated

111 Kiki's Delivery Service (1989)
-Classic

115 Macross Plus (1994)
-Watch this if you like mecha.

116 Kidou Tenshi Angelic Layer (2001)
-A tale about a girl who has the coolest doll on Earth: her doll is a supercharged instrument of destruction. Nah, it's a lot less violent than you think.

117 Gunparade March - Arata Naru Ko Gunka (2003)
-Good show to watch if you've just been dumped.

118 Mahoromatic (2001)
-Ecchi. Funny, but still perverted.

119 Golden Boy (1995)
-Likwise.

120 Samurai 7 (2004)
-Famous, but I can't stad it.

122 Slayers Next (1996)
-You MUST watch this.

123 Gundam SEED Destiny (2004)
-Repeat after me: The new Gundam shows suck. Stick to the oldies.

124 Yami no Matsuei (2000)
-Darker Descendant. Showed once in AXN, heavily edited. Has strong gay and gothic undertones.

126 Nanaka 6/17 (2003)
-Supposedly funny.

127 Fushigi Yuugi (1995)
-Everyone here has Freudian issues.

129 Hana Yori Dango (1996)
- Even more Freudian issues.

135 Ayashi no Ceres (2000)
-Ever had fantasies about a brother wanting to rape his twin sister? Watch this. This is Fushigi Yugi's even dirtier kid brother.

136 Flame of Recca (1992)
-Recca is a big Kyo Kusanagi rip-off, only he ain;t anywhere near as cool.

138 Boys Be (2000)
-Perfect basting therapy. See? Even the good looking, sensitive ones get dumped while their perverted friends get all the fun. (sarcasm)

139 Ninja Scroll (1993)
-Wanna see heads roll? Wanna see them fly?

140 TEXHNOLYZE (2003)
-Mecha. 'Nuff said.

141 Ai Mai Mi ! Strawberry Egg (2001)
-about a man who wanted to become a PE Teacher. Unfortunately, he applied to an all-girls school that did not admit male faculty. So, he disguised himself as a girl (complete with voice switcher). The freaky thing about this is that he was dead sexy when he became a girl.

142 Revolutionary Girl Utena (1997)
-Haven't seen this.

143 Slam Dunk (1993)
-An anime which tries to tell the world that Japan is the next big country in terms of basketball. Yeah right. Dream on.

147 Peace Maker Kurogane (2003)
-Generic samurai anime. Don't bother.

149 Ultra Maniac TV (2003)
-Feels almost like a spiritual successor to Akazukin ChaCha. No, really. Speak of which, why the hell is ChaCha not on the list!?!

150 Gatekeepers 21 (2002)
-The perfect gateway anime for introducing new fans to serious, angsty and deeper anime. Don't watch this after Saikano, it will pale in comparison. Watch this first, then Saikano. I honestly think that this should be at the top 50.

152 Saber Marionette J (1996)
-If Chii was a hyperactive doll... you get the picture

153 Shaman King (2001)
-Famous, but I couldn't care less. Ok, I view it every now and then, but not actively.

154 Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz (1997)
-Watchable. Watch the 80s incarnations of Gundam instead.

156 Love Hina Christmas Special (2001)
-Watch the regular show instead.

160 Narue no Sekai (2003)
- "My girlfriend is an alien!" Yup, cliche, but cute.

162 Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (2004)
-Haven;t seen this.

163 Matantei Loki - Ragnarok (2003)
-Not related to Ragnarok Online.

164 Metropolis (2001)
-A tear-jerker.

165 Tsubasa Chronicle (2005)
-CLAMP's great crossover anime. If you've ever wanted to see cameos by Chii, Sakura, and the whole CLAMP world all in one show, watch this.

167 Jubei-chan the Ninja Girl (1999)
-I loved this. One probelm-Jubei was a swordsman, not a ninja.

169 Yu Yu Hakusho (1992)
-Shallow, but violent. Watch it to kill some brain cells.

170 Escaflowne - The Movie (2000)
-The series is better, though hitomi has more meat in this one. Yup, she's no longer anorexic. Yay.

172 Ai Yori Aoshi ~Enishi~ (2003)
-Love story.

175 .hack//Legend of Twilight Bracelet (2003)
-.hack stinks

176 Rurouni Kenshin - Requiem for the Restoration Royalists (1997)
-The Kenshin movie. Nice.

177 Hunter X Hunter Greed Island OVA (2003)
-I hated the original. Same here.

178 Groove Adventure Rave (2001)
-Action-adventure with a dash of comedy. I liked it.

182 Love Hina OVA (2002)
-More zany "lone-man-in-girl's-world" action. Not for the kids, it's a bit more risque than its predecessor.

188 Love Hina Spring Special (2001)
-Yay! More loser-meets-pretty-girl action.

194 To Heart (1999)
---Sentimental stuff

198 Bottle Fairy (2003)
-Unbelievably cutesy.

Realistic Fortune Cookies

Yo! Yesterday I sent around text messages to my friends about fortune cookies. I was asking them if they knew how much fortune cookie writers made, and whether they knew how to make fortune cookies. The reason of course is that being a fortuen cookie writer is one of the best ways to become a widely-read author. Think about it. Fortune cookie writers have to be the most read authors on Earth. So what if they're anonymous? Everyone has read their works.

In line with that, I also wish to tell you guys that the cookies I plan to make have realistic fortunes in them. You see, efortunes are often unrealiost5ic and overly optimistic. However, readers want better. Heck, that's why Jessica Zafra is so well known. So, here are some fortunes I want to try out:

1) See that pretty chick over there? Well, she doesn't see you.

2) Your husband hides his beer in the broom closet.

3) Today each and every traffic light you come across will be red.

4) So what if he hates your guts? To hell with him!

5) Your son hides his porn under the bed.

6) You have just wasted your time and money eating in this restaurant.

7) Confucius says: you suck.

8) You must be really loney entrusting your fortune to a cookie.

9) Men would rather look at themselves in the mirror than look at you.

10) It's not that I'm smart. You just suck.

Dreams and Aspirations...

...Are meant to disappoint us somewhere along the line. Let's be dead, freakin' honest here. Let's have none of that youthful idealistic shit. I dare all of you who read this article to make a catalog of all your dreams and aspirations, and to see how many of those actually came true. Then, e-mail me the list at z2k1@hotmail.com. You better answer honestly. I bet you'll discover that:

a) Reality sucks
b) Ambitions are worthless
c) Majority of our desires NEVER get fulfilled
d) The world is essentially evil, since it was made with the sole purpose of dashing our hopes and dreams
e) It's not that we did not try to fulfill our dreams, but people along our path always got in the way

That is the true state of affairs. C'mon, quit drinking your Victory Gin and taking your happy pills. Life is shit for the sake of shit. People are all born delusional, and life is a constant struggle of conflicting delusions. In fact, a lot of metaphysical discussion regarding the true state of human nature can be answered easily: humanity is nothing but a huge delusion. It is a longing for the impossible. All that spearates us from animals is that we can pursue our delusions and do so, while animals do not since they know less and thus know better.

Cut the crap. Your life stinks.

Have a nice day.

There are days when...

...You just wanna bitch on about everything and anything in existence. I mean, that was why I put up three blogs--one as my personal diary of sorts (this one), the other two outlets where I vent out all my frustrations on the stupidity of human existence. Still, there are times when Craptastic and FAB combined don't seem to be enough of an outlet. Not only do they get nowhere near as much reader mileage as my original blog, I'm afraid that if some government dude finds them I'll be branded a terrorist for my writings. My readers of course know better. I really just have a taste for the macabre, the chaotic, and the gruesome. But if by some chance an idiot of monumental proportions like Raul Gonzalez were to chance upon FAB, I may find myself having to flee from government agents one of these days. I won't make apologies about my writings, I'm simply pointing out possible scenarios that I have no plan of carrying out. Well, ok, mabe I was too harsh on Tolits, but that's it.

Anyway, enough about that. This post is beginning to shape up into another FAB bitchfest and I don't wanna do that. instead, let me tell you people what has been happening in my life. Well, I have a teaching demo in SR this Friday, for Literature. High School literature. I'll be teaching 2nd year students--kids the same age as my youngest brother. This'll be fun. I really hope I land this job, because I don't wanna be a financial black hole forever. Besides, I can't climb up the social ladder without money. There are two ways for me to make money: marry someone rich, or make it myself. Since my wife was aborted some twenty years ago by her hard-left "feminist" mother who thought that her daughter deserved to die for the sins of the scumbag father, that leaves me with only one choice: make the cash myself. Thanks a lot mom-in-law. Thank you to hell.

But seriously, I really want to be able to teach. I wanna make a difference in the life of just one student. Idealistic as that sounds, I actually want to be important for a change, not just some dude perpetually wallowing in the shadows.

Also, I'm seriously beginning to consider calling off the CCP thing if by the end of next week I can't get at least two more people to join in. As it is now, only three of us seem to be taking this thing seriously, and my biggest fear is that unless we can get more people to tag along my travel costs to CCP from Alabang won't be justified. C'mon people. Can't we all just meet this one time? I understand that we all have our own lives now. I am not the one to intrude upon others' personal freedoms, you know me. But hey, for the sake of friendship, nostalgia, love, courage, and hope, why don't we do this thing even if just for one last time? Then, if you want me to vanish from your lives forever, I will. Seriously, just gimme a message that you want me to get lost and I will. I'm a man of my word. I have this pal whom I haven't called up at home since grade four since I promised him I will never ever call his house up again. True enough, to this day I haven't ever called him up. Extreme as that sounds, I will really do it if asked. I seriously doubt I will be, mind you, but if it happens, I'll abide.

Oh shit, I DID end up making another pessimistic post. Oh well, tough.

If This is Chivalry, Then I'd Rather Be A Brute

Yo! PEople might be wondering as to what I've been reading lately. Well, I've been reading L'Morte D'Arthur, or the story of King Arthur and his horny knights of the Round Table. King Arthur was one horny sunofa bitch, and so was majority of his knights. Really, their idea of chivalry was really, really odd. They treated every maiden well, treated each one with respect, and save each and every maiden in distress. That's fine and dandy, but they were never really content with just saving the girl in the tower.

In fact, each and every knight in court ever to have stories written about them, save Galahad (and maybe Gareth), had at least one paramour (that's the refined term for "kabit"). Why did this happen, when the Arthurian legend is supposedly a Christian one? The answer is that it isn't really Christian at all. It's a Celtic legend adopted by the Christians during the Dark Ages of England to serve as an escape from the fact that England was at that time a disarrayed mass of petty kingdoms. So, they took the Celtic legend of a powerful general named Arthur and turned it Christian. The legendary sword Caladbolg became the deific sword Excalibur, the Cornucopia became the Holy Grail, and the celtic warriors became chivalrous knghts. Fortunately they forgot to erase the horniness of the knights.

It's kinda like how the super sentai genre became bastardized when ported over to America with Power Rangers. The reality is that every suceeding installment of Power Rangers had in reality nothing to do with one another. In their native Japan, the shows belonged in one continuity, yes, but no two groups of rangers were ever really "Allied." They just happened to operate in different areas of Japan at different times. In Power Rangers, they groups had a natural, planned succession ending in the culmnation of Zordon's master plan to rid the world of evil. In te orginal, each sentai "myth" belonged to one world, but no real master plan bound them all.

It's the same with the Arthurian legend I guess. Not all the legends there were originally there. The Holy Grail quest was just tacked on. The legend of Sir Tristan (the only knight hornier than Lancelot, and incidentally one who could beat Lancelot in combat) is not even British. In the end, the myths were put together so haphazardly that no one believed them.

Anyway, that's enough rant. Here're some random facts I learned from my readings that you can use to impress your girlfriend, boyfriend, or simply say out of the blue to relieve tension:

1) The Excalibur is NOT the sword in the stone. The sword in the stone broke during one of Arthur's battles of acension. The Excalibur was a sword he got from the Lady of the Lake to replace the sword in the stone. On an added note, "Excalibur" refers not only to the sword but also to its scabbard, which allowed its user to get wounded without losing blood. In short, it's infinitely more useful than the sword itself, since it can make someone practically immortal--unless of course you also break a few bones here and there, and maybe jam Arthur's windpipe with 3-feet of steel down his throat. Just a thought, so that the next time you have to fight a legendary king with magical protection, you'll know what to do.

2) Arthur himself was one horny sunofa female dog--and incestuous too. Incidentally, his bastard Son Modred, who would later kill him, was his son to a half-sister.

3) In fairness, Lancelot had only one paramour--he just happened to have picked the worst one (hehe). Seruiously, of all the women in the world, why pick the boss' wife? Note to everyone: don't do your boss' wife especially if he has a magical blade that can smite demons from hell. Just a thought.