Random Musings

I've had too much time on my hands lately. Too much time to think more than anything else. It's ok though, thinking is a beautiful thing as long as not done in excess. Anyway, here're some of the thoughts I've had lately:

1) It's better to be truly sad than falsely happy.
2) 99.9% Of drivers are assholes. Every driver thinks that he/she is the only decent driver on the road.
3) Dogs make better friends than most people.
4) If you want to keep your soul, don't get into politics. Henceforth, I will never even think of getting into government again.
5) A lot of existentialism is a fluke. Other people's opinions DO matter, yours just happen to matter more.
6) Hate the message, not the messenger. If the message is good, you may love the messenger as well.
7) Selfishness is the biggest evil in the world today. People forget that the self does not exist.
8) Power is overrated. True happiness comes from submission to the truth, not in wrestling with it.
9) What my dad said about women and their mothers is true. If the mom is fat, then chances are the daughter will be as well, especially after giving birth.
10) Everything I just said can be reduced to absurdity. In the end, human thought by itself is a fluke.

-and-

11) There is one word that can undo generations of philosophy: WHY.

Introducing: The Mood Indicator

Got this off Carla's blog again. If you check out my sidebar, you'd find a new little section there with a cute little smiley showing my mood. That's right, now you guys can see exactly what my moods are like.

More often than not the moods will vary from "confused" to "in turmoil." Basically, this is how I live. If I'm not confused or troubled by something, I don't feel alive. Conflict is a key part of any story, and so it is in my life. I guess I'm an emotional masochist in that respect. I almost LIKE being sad--I even look forward to it. One of the biggest reasons why I have difficulty opening up is precisely that--I'm afraid that each time I do I'm just being selfish, and selfishness is one of the gravest vices any human can have. My friends deserve better than to drown in my self-serving confusion.

I guess that is why I've been praying to God so much lately as well and receiving the sacraments. What goes on between Him and I stays between Him and I--no one else gets hurt, and He will tolerate my emotional void like no man or woman can. I guess it's also the reason why I can keep a cheerful disposition when I'm with my pals: I get divine help. I'd hate to sound preachy, but prayer really works. Trust me. This sounds corny, but it's my prime way of keeping my sanity.

The thing about prayer is that it lets me indulge in my confusion with no consequence to others. I know I already said this in the previous paragraph, but here's the thing: each prayer I say actually confuses me more--both emotionally and mentally. The more I pray the more I am uncertain--yet the more I feel stable. It's odd really--I should be going insane. But the confusion makes me even more...elated. Insanity is my joy. Prayer does not only give me the answers I want but also gives me more questions to ask. Should it not be solving my problems and helping me move forward? But the worse the road gets, the better I feel.

I wonder what is wrong with me. All I know is that God will see me through it somehow. He is probably to thank for all the artistic inspiration I've been having lately. All the lessons, experiences, and thoughts I accumulated as a literature student really opened a Pandora's Box of emotions for me. But--as the Pandora myth showed--the box was practically a necessary evil for within it amongst all the evils was hope. I guess I haven't dug deep enough into the box yet.

Anyway, the point behind this post I guess is really to both vent out and to show you guys the value of prayer. With prayer, the sad can smile honestly without being joyful. One can be both happy and depressed, loved and unloved, empty and content all at once with the aid of The Divine. The title and conclusions are a bit weird, but then again, I'm "in turmoil." :P

I'll have it no other way.

CCP Time!

Carla has told me of a showing of Romeo and Juliet in CCP. The dates are:

August 5, 6, 19, 20, 26, 27, 2005 8PM
August 6, 7, 20, 21, 27, 28, 2005 3PM
Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (CCP Little Theater)

September 9, 10, 16, 17, 2005 8PM
September 10, 11, 17, 18, 2005 3PM
Tanghalang Huseng Batute (CCP Studio Theater)

People, I dunno about you, but after watching and reviewing so much crap in the cinemas, I wanna see something cultured for a change. Love story maybe, but hey, at least it's got violence. I'm good for any night showing especially those on Saturdays. Txt me at 09215466060 for your good show dates or use my chatterbox! Hope to see ya there.

"Calling Doctor Kevorkian..."

Hello my fans. I know, having only 3 fans who regularly visit the site kinda bites, but it's still better than nothing. Anyway, you guys may have noticed the title. You may recognize the name "Dr. Jack Kevorkian," the infamous death doctor in America who would euthanize his terminally ill patients regularly. He's in prison now, by the way, and no, I am NOT asking for an assisted suicide, thank you. I am referring to the persona I made for myself in the old medical practice simulator series "Life and Death." Once upon a time, a pioneering software company called "The Software Toolworks" made a series of informative "edutainment" titles. This company was one of the pioneers of the multimedia age with titles like "The Software Toolworks Multimedia Encyclopedia," which was later renamed the "Grolier's Multimedia Encyclopedia." They also made "The Animals!" which was a digitized tour of the Sandiego Zoo, and also made the legendary "Chessmaster" series of shess games. The fun is not with these games, but with the two play-doctor games they made: "Life and Death 1" & "Life and Death 2: The Brain." The first game put you in the role of anb intern in the internal medicine ward of this fictional hospital, the second game made you an neurosurgery intern in the same hospital. Basically, you get to see patients for everything from simple headaches to brain tumors. Sweet.

And that's where the fun lies. You can play as a modern-day Hippocrates and treat your patients properly, or perform a surgery for something as simple as a migraine :P. I named my doctor "Jack Kevorkian" and I guess you could imagine exactly what kind of doctor i became. Among my little "botches" are:

1) Forgot to use anesthesia before operating on an appendicitis (I think). The moment I stabbed the scalped into the patient, he bit the dust. I think he screamed too.

2) This one happened just before I wrote this. I was operating on an Epidural Hematoma. Basically, the patient had too much blood in the brain, the skull was fractured, and the pressure was killing him. I went on to operate. First, I botched up my scalpel job and failed to follow the dotted line set on the scalp. Then, I failed to stop the bleeding. The patient flatlined in no time.

3) Another patient. This one had paralysis and weakness on the left side of the body, as well as a splitting headache. Looked like either a stroke or a migraine. The CAT scans came in and suggested yet another hematoma. Then, the X-Rays showed the tell-tale skull fracture, plus the MRI produced the same result as the CAT scan. Not paying any attention to this (and because I killed my last hematoma patient in surgery) I prescribed physical therapy for stroke. The patient died of hematoma. Oh well.

4) This was fun. I was examining a patient that seemed like she had a simple case of hysteria. The physical exam was more or less normal, save for some weakness of the limbs associated with hysteria. So, I ordered a CAT Scan just to be sure it wasn't a tumor. In my infinite carelessness, I forgot to note that the patient was allergic to iodine--a substance used in CAT scans. So, I had a patient who needed little more than psychiatric counseling die on me because of a CAT scan mishap. The tragedy was that I wasn't trying to kill the patient, I was really trying to help.

5) This is even worse. The patient seemed to be suffering from a migraine. I ordered an MRI to be sure it wasn't a tumor. He died in the MRI room. Turns out that patients with a pacemaker (like him) should not get MRIs. Poor sap needed only aspirin...

6) Then there was the time I forgot to wash my hands before surgery...

7) ...The time I forgot to put on my gloves...

8) ...The time I forgot to bring along an anesthesiologist...

9) ...The time I forgot that the scissors are used AFTER the scalpel then cut too deep...

10) ...Oh, and the time I used the electric drill on the skull then forgot to stop drilling. Yuck. The patient actually lived through that one since the anesthesiologist stopped me before I could drill too deep. Still, it earned me more notoriety than Freddy Kreuger...

Oh yes, fun times. Good thing I'm not a real doctor :P

When it Rains...

...It pours. Man, Why does it sometimes seem that there are days when it seems that there is a giant raincloud hanging over my head. No bull. Lemme narrate some of these experiences? Why? Just so that I can vent out some steam.

Case 1: Applying to SGV, Day 1

The Good: I got to apply to a reputable auditing firm and meet up with a friend I hadn't seen in ages. Things were looking up: the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I had a good night's rest.

The Bad: First, my friend told me that my envelope was formatted all wrong. Then, as we ate, it became cloudy. Then it rained HEAVILY. It the day was a stormy one. Crap. We also had no umbrella.

The Ugly: Finding out later on that my cover letter had a freakin' typo in it, AFTER I GAVE IT.

The Hope: I still got interviewed, and have another pending.

Case 2: Saturday Hell Day

The Good: I was looking forward to another fruitful day of grad school. I loved my teachers, my classmates, and the lesson. Nothing could go wrong...

The Bad: ...but I had the same nightmare I ALWAYS have on a regular basis: a dream where I was paralyzed in bed, short of breath, and dying. But it does not end there, I also trashed the security guard's table in the parking lot whuile parking my car...

The Ugly: ...then as I tried to correct my parking, I also trashed my side mirror in addition to the desk. Damn. After that, I accidentally walked into the wrong classroom, then my celphone's battery conked out.

The Hope: I got the side mirror fixed, and a new batt for my phone. As for the desk, at least the guard never charged me for it...

Case 3: SGV Application Day 2

The Good: In spite of my mishaps, SGV still called me back for an entrance test and interview. They both went well. I also got to meet two old friends I hadn't met in ages.

The Bad: True to form, it rained after my friend and I had lunch.

The Ugly: Later that day, LaSalle lost to UP in men's basketball. :(

The Hope: We brought an umbrella this time! Also, I hope SGV calls again for the final interview.

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So, there're but a few examples of my luck. If any of you guys ever decide to go on a gamble with me, please don't bet on whatever I bet on.

Quasi-Literary Poem

Hiya! It's been a week since I updated, and for that I'm sorry to all my fans (all 3 of you). Anyway, to make up for it I'm reviving one of my older series of posts, Quasi Litaray Poetry.

Today's poem is my latest, and probably last attempt to write a love poem. People privy to my personal life will probably find it semi-autobiographical, and to some extent it is. I say "to some extent" because it's all heavily Romanticized (note the capitalization). Details have been added and embellished.

Also, it is only semi-sutobiographical since the experience is not mine alone but the collective experience of my male friends and I. Male-centered poetry has not been getting much love recently. Gay, lesbian, and feminist poems have been making a lot of headway lately. What about us guys? We deserve some poems too. We have emotions too, we just don't show it too well.

Oh, and don't worry, I have no ill feelings about the incident alluded to in the poem. It's but natural that poetry reflect the poet's reality, and that's all that happens here, simple as that. It really happened, and those negative feelings have long since gone, the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotion has long since given way to my moments of silence.

(Read the comments below to see the references I made, as marked with asterisks.)

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Amica Mei*
(Para mis amigos del SWC)*

His heart flutters swift as a hummingbird's frantic wings.
His eyes weigh as billiard balls forced into tiny sockets.
Each breath is shallow and tortured.
Every fiber of muscle stiffens in phobic anticipation--
And his body is an ecstasy of fear and pain.

Her voice is an angelic whisper bidding mournful tidings.
Every word is sweet hemlock pouring into his heart. Time ceases.
Colors fade into nothing. Nothing else--save the two of them remain.

Their eyes are yet to meet. Their countenances
are yet to rendezvous in this queer* exchange.
Yet one need not see his face to glimpse his soul.

Friends are all they'll be ever--fellows, chums,
no added intimacy. No more than this for happiness need be.
That is the boundary, the limit for he and she.

Silence--nothing but quiet contemplation. Nothing moves nor stirs.
His mind is secluded deep in thought. So deep is
the absence of sound that every electrical wave
from the brain and every pound from the heart
sounds clear as the song of sparows in spring.

The fluttering stops after a short eternity,
The heavy balls shrink and lighten.
Depth revisits each breath. Paralysis subsides.
Clocks tick once more. Colors regain their exuberance.

At length, his lips arc into a smile. His eyes meet with hers
now fixed upon his visage. With a casual nod, and all sincerity,
silently, he concedes:

"A friend you want, and that I will be."

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Annotations:

*Amica Mei- Latin. Lit. "Friend of mine." Done for payabang effect. Why? Because I CAN! Besides, the english title sounds corny in comparison.

*Para mis amigos del SWC- Spanish. Lit. "For my comrades from the SWC." Toma night, 7-sawa, basta may cerveca!

*Queer- As in odd or strange, hindi bading. No offense meant to gays. Just elaborating my point.

Other notes:

1) For once, I tried dabbling into the free verse style. It think it sucks @$$. This won't happen again.

2) I know it bites. Any suggestions?

Office Humor!

Hey, I finally decided to do another humor post. This one was originally posted in Al Lowe's Humor Site, then published in his book "You've Got Laughs! The Big Book of Internet Humor." Funny as heck. Btw, the comments are all mine.

Bad Inspirational
Office Posters

-Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings. They did it by killing everyone who opposed them.

Comment: Ouch...

-If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Comment: True I guess...

-Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong fourteen times gives you job security.

Comment: Mean, but holds true for government offices...

-Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Comment: Just look at politicians...

-Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

Comment: A classic.

-Plagiarism saves time.

Comment: Just don't get caught I guess.

-Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Comment: Smart-ass...

-Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

Comment: Ok...

-The layoffs will continue until morale improves.

Comment: scary...

-Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

Comment: just look at your typical Philippine voters...

-Hang in there. Retirement is only thirty years away!

Comment: that sucks...

-Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

Comment: Bosses are bosses because they can get others to eat their crap for them. whaddaya expect?

-When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.

Comment: Too bad coffee makes me hyper.

-Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Comment: I can't decide on what to say...

-Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.

Comment: A typical Filipino trait.

Job Update!

Hello. I have a teaching demo this coming tuesday, July 5, in DLSU-Canlubang, for elementary english (reading and writing). If I get the job, I might move to Laguna, which means that a) I might lose my 'net access for weekdays, b) my blogs will stagnate a lot, and c) I will finally have my own house. Here's the thing: I could really use a housemate or two to help out with the chores. If any of you plan on working down south, just tell me right away so that I can plan things out. I have to see the place so that I can find out how many housemates I can afford to keep. Of course, I could also just opt to live in ayala and drive all the way there everyday. It all depends on how things go I guess.

I guess the point is that i don't want to live there by myself. If it turns out that I will be all alone in the place, I'll just bear the traffic along the highway from Alabang. Still, if any of you guys wanna live with me, please tell me.

This also means that I'll have to fix up Percy if I want to have my own persocom in the new place. Either that or I'll replace her. We'll see.