Rise, Darthbob Blackpants...

I was really tempted to do a craptastic on StarWars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. There was one problem on it though: it wasn't crap. It's not the best movie I've seen, but it definitely isn't bad. George Lucas still can't direct, and Hayden Christensen still performed better in Shattered Glass. Heck, even Natalie Portman had a better performance in Episode II, and that says a lot considering how haphazard the acting in that movie was.

The acting was nothing special. The story was decent but nothing new. I guess it was the fact that this movie was a lot more action-oriented than the past ones, and the fact that it closed off a lot of plotholes in the trilogy also helped.

However, I think the reason I really liked it is that it has to be the most unintentionally silly movie I've seen. Well, Reign of Fire is the first, but this has to be a close second. The writing is laughable, and there are a lot of things that STILL defy logic. I'll be getting to those now:

(SPOILERS, OF COURSE)

1) Why is it called "Revenge of the Sith?" Why are they having their revenge? Better yet, what are they avenging? I don't get it. It could have been better titled "Return of the Sith" but apparently that would have made the title too similar to "Return of the Jedi." "Attack of the Sith" sounds too much like "Attack of the Clones." Maybe that's why they settled with "Revenge," even if it makes no sense.

2) How did the Emperor come up with the name "Darth Vader?" Why not "Darthbob Squarepants?" Or maybe "Darth Anarchis." I mean, why "Vader?" Maybe it's shorthand for "invader," the same way "Sidious" is shorthand for "insidious." But still, it makes no sense. Vader technically never invaded anyone, he stayed with the republic and helped the republic kill all the separatists. He never invaded anyone, he killed the invaders. Darth "Maul" made sense because he mauled everyone around him, but "Vader?" Man, I would have preferred Darthbob Blackpants myself. Oh well.

3) Similarly, how did Padme come up with the names Luke and Leia? It's as if they came out of thin air. At least in the novels chronicling the events after episode 6, they explained how Princess Leia and Han Solo came about naming their kids Jacen and Jaina: they talked it over. Episode 3 makes no such clarification. It's as if in her birthing bed she just thought the names up. There are so many other names out there, and she had to settle for those two. I don't get it.

4) This line wins the award for cheesiest line of this millenium: "Hello my little green friend." I don't know why, but hearing an insidious, scheming Sith lord say that to a green midget like Yoda just made me snicker. It feels like something more fit for a mafia movie.

5) Natalie Portman's acting has taken a turn for the worse. Her drama scenes were passable, but as the movie went along, her acting got worse. When Obi Wan demanded to know where Anakin was after he turned Sith, her acting felt very forced, those tears did not strike me as natural. Later on when she met her love again right before the big duel between him and Obi Wan her acting really went to the dumps. No offense meant, but I snickered when Anakin was choking the life out of her, not because I am sadistic but because she did not strike me as someone who was choking. If she was, she would not be able to speak so clearly. She looked like someone who was clutching her throat for the heck of it.

Anyway, I'll keep it at that, mainly because I want to update my other blog. So, I'll leave it at that.

Things I Wish My Dad Told Me...

The title says it all. Dads are generally great sources of advice for people who're getting used to life, but they can't be blamed for missing out on some pieces of advice every now and then. Still, if and when I end up having kids, I would love to make sure to tell them the following:

1) Everyone crashes the car some day. The trick is not to kill anyone doing it.

2) Every man eventually falls for a woman he can't have.

3) When some women say "let's just be friends" they actually mean it. Not all of them use it as euphemism for "get lost."

4) I don't care if teachers don't get rich. If you're happy, I'm happy.

5) Never gamble with love. You'll get burned. And don't bet your money on it.

6) Money isn't all that matters.

7) Santa Claus isn't real.

8) Your mom can't cook.

9) Our maid can't cook.

10) I'll teach you how to cook.

11) I'll be waiting for your Palanca award.

12) It's ok to kick a bully's ass.

What Have I Been Up To? Quite a Bit

So, people might be wondering exactly what I've been doing lately. Well, quite a few things. One I enrolled myself to grad school yesterday. Before that, I bugged my HS about my job application (which they said they'd mail me about in a week, so that means if I get no letter by Tuesday, they're gonna have to explain themselves).

Then there's my personal tracking down of E3. For the non-gamers out there, E3 is the Electronic Entertainment Expo, an expo dedicated to videogames. In particular I tracked it down for the unveiling of the PS3 (not impressed), X-Box 360 (bad release date, IMO), and Ninentdo Revolution (they're doomed).

I also tracked down the games exhibited in E3: Castlevania: Curse of Darkness, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, and Soul Calibur III. No prize for whoever can guess which one I'm most excited about. Then there was also the announcement and local test by SNK of the long-awaited 11th installment in the King of Fighters series. So far, so good. All the characters I use regularly (save one) made it. My three top characters made it, and two of them seem to have been enhanced considerably, so I'm happy.

So, besides gaming, I've also been doing a lot of other things. Praying's been one of them. I've been doing it a lot lately, though as to what I pray for I won't say. Then there's also the secret society story that's been mulling around in my head forever. By the time I finally write the story, don't be susrpised if the characters end up with traits coming from friends of mine. I actually have two story sagas in mind and I plan to unite them down the line: one of them a crime saga, the other a treasure hunt of sorts. I'll need to do some research before they're ready though. I could really use some info on the following:

1) The 3 Sacred Treasures of Japan (Yata Mirror, Yasakani Jewel, and the Sword of Kusanagi)
2) Materials on the lost treasure of General Yamashita.
3) More info on the Tasaday Hoax (the false tribe that spawned during Marcos' time)
4) Info on Japanese espionage activities in the country during World War II.
5) Info on North Korean nuclear testing activities

I know these elements don't sound like they can mesh into one story, but trust me, I got plans. If anyone knows where to find info, I'd love that. Oh, and if anyone knows where I can buy a tengu mask, kitsune mask, and oni mask please tell me.

Also, if you got time and a decent internet connection, visit this site: http://www.boombastick.net/ check out the flash animations. They're really funny. My favorite is "Spring."

And lastly, I've been hoping to have a chance to meet with everyone. Sino ba susunod na may birthday?

Announcing a new blog: Craptastic!

I'm currently putting up a new blog, this time on friendster. Called craptastic, it will focus on all those crappy things in society, things that are so awful they're good--good for bashing that is. Things like awful music, awful TV shows (mostly awful TV shows), awful videogame quotes (SNK-engrish in particular) and other things so damn crappy that one cannot help but think that the people who made them must have been on crack. Don't worry, dear readers (all four of you). I'm not shutting down this blog because friendster blogs doesn't seem to support chatterboxes unless you pay them (greedy little !@#@$!) So don't worry! All my regular stuff will remain on this site (the dfestabilizing, the humor, and the product reviews of good products out there.

Here's my new blog: CRAPTASTIC!

Destabilizing Rant

Recently, Interior Secretary Angelo Reyes deplored the fact that everyone gets saddened by journalists' deaths while no one cares if soldiers or policemen die. He found it unfair. He found it odd how soldiers die everyday and get no respect while journalists killed at a rate of two or three a month get all the publicity.

Well, Since www.inq7.net has already tackled this issue to the death (Conrado DeQuiros' works are notable in this case) I won't dwell on it so much. All I will say is that soldiers and policemen are supposed to die in battle, while journalists aren't.

After all, a soldier's job is to butt into enemy territory and kill every enemy in sight. All that crud about building homes and bridges is for most part just for show. A soldier is first and foremost a murder weapon sanctioned by the state. He is a legalized assassin. National Defense is in the end a euphemism that legitimizes the wholesale slaughter of unwanted Filipinos by an unloving government. Terrorism is the demonized new term for poverty. Terrorists in the country don't become terrorists because of religion or lofty ideals: they want a living that pays well, and terrorism is their key. Eliminate poverty, and we can eliminate terrorism and discontent. Eliminate the terrorists, and a million more will rise. insead of eliminating poverty (which would be problematic because it would tip the balance of power towards the masses) the government opts to keep the masses poor and to fight the same old wars just to retain the status quo.

Soldiers in the end are there to provide the short-term solution to the problem: eliminate the dissidents but not the cause of dissent. I do not hate soldiers per se but I hate the fact that they act the part of mindless drones who do anything their superiors tell them. I'm not saying they are mindless drones per se, but the profession itself dictates that they should be mindless murder weapons who act frst and ask questions later. A soldier need not be prudent, only obedient, like dogs. Only animals follow without thinking. Soldiering is an exercise in making the human inhuman. It turns human beings into gun-toting sheep who will do anything to please their corrupt superiors. In the end, the ultimate goal of soldiering is to turn a caring, feeling human being into a mindless murderous puppet.

Journalism on the other hand exposes the dirty truths behind society for what they are. They make the inhuman human. They show the negative effects that inhuman conditions like poverty, corruption, and moral degeneration have on the human condition. They are the great guardians of truth (well, most of them at least, since some people like Ramon Tulfo don't have any right to be honored as journalists for their moronic support of the president and her husband).

And due to exposing the truth, every liar/politician/corrupt policeman/corrupt general/criminal wants them dead. The truth sets people free, and drives the powerful out of business. So what do they do? They do their best to kill those who can expose the truth.

And here we stand today: a country whose very access to truth is endangered by morons and idiots we put in power. Our condition is so bad I won't be surprised if our country will finally self-destruct and be turned into a mud pile within the generation.

So much for my dreams for the future. So much for raising my happy family in a quiet little neighborhood, where we can all be happy and content as we travel the sea of life together in perfect, loving harmony. It's bad enough when one has no charisma, it's even worse when the country's condition is so bad that no one wants to take risks dating a jobless, bummed-out literature major with no talent in business and economics. I'll die a lonely old man, and no one will even know I died until they discover my corpse years later. What ever happened to the days when people of the arts were desired in society, when queens and kings paid bards and poets just for producing works of art? Damn capitalism. Damn materialism. Damn the Philippine government for dooming my breed of humanity to death.

My country has failed me.

SWC Dictionary

During a chat session with my SWC buds, we came across a couple of funny meanings for some traditional terms used to describe relationshipsand other things. Since we in the SWC are single, we have totally different meanings for these terms. Here they are:

"BF"
Traditional meaning: Boyfriend
Alternate meaning: "Beauty Fund." Pera na gamit nang nagiisang babae para magpaganda.

"Chacha"
Traditonal meanings: (1) A popular dance form; (2) Charter Change
Alternate meaning: Akazukin ChaCha. Ang unofficial anime ng SWC. Sinubukan namin i-fandub pero walang kayang mag-voice kay ChaCha. Ayun, walang nangyari sa proyekto.

"FB"
Traditional meaning: none (SWC-specific jargon)
Alternate meaning: "Friendly Boy." Isang lalake na okey kaibiganin pero hanggang doon lang.

"FG"
Traditional meaning: none (SWC-specific jargon)
Alternate meaning: "Friendly girl." Isang babaeng okey kaibiganin pero hanggang doon lang.

"GF"
Traditional meaning: "Girlfriend"
Alternate meaning: "Gasoline Fund." Pera na pang-karga ng krudo ng tsikot.

"MU"
Traditional Meaning: "Mutual Understanding"
Alternate meaning: "Medyo Ugly." Taong medyong hindi pinagpalaan ng matino-tinong mukha.

Now, For Some Random Humor

Y'know what, this destabilizer is getting bored of being so serious all the time. So I thought that maybe a couple of lame jokes and silly quotes from here and there will give us a fun diversion from the usual "destabilizing" I've been performing lately.

Here's the humor, in no real order:

"A scrawny looking man walks into a bar and bets $100 that he can carry something in a wheelbarrow for 100 feet that none of them can carry back. The strongest among the bar's patrons takes the bet, and the two go outside to where the wheelbarrow is waiting.

'Ok, here's the wheelbarrow. What'll we be carrying?'

The scrawny man simply replies: 'Hop in.'"


Here's some jokes based on epitaphs (words carved into gravestones):

Gravestone 1: "Here lies the magician Vizor the Great"
Gravestone 2, right beside it, its tomb divided in two: "Here lies his assistant"

Here's an epitaph joke from the game Quest For Glory 4: Shadows of Darkness

"Here lies Mikhail Mehd,
He bumped his head
In another guy's bed,
And now he's DEAD. RIP."

Here's a joke about a guy without an epitaph:

"Once upon a time, there was this guy named Odd. Every day of his life he was tormented by his name. People would tease him about it, and it annoyed him immensely. It got to the point that he hated his name so much that he declared in his last will and testament that his headstone be left blank when he's buried.

And die he did, and indeed he was buried with a blank headstone. It was futile though, as people passing by his grave can't help but wonder out loud at the sight of the blank headstone: 'hey, that's odd..."'

This is one passed to me by my pal Angelo:

"A bird was flying one day when he accidentally hurt his wing when he hit it on a tree branch. He plopped to the ground, seriously hurt.

Fortunately for him a bull was passing by. The bull asked the bird why he was walking insead of flying, and the bird replied that he broke his wing.

The bull took pity on the bird then told him: 'Tell you what, I'll crap on the ground. Since my crap is very, very full of nutrients, applying it liberally on your wing should heal the broken bone.'

Since the bird was desperate, he obliged. To his surpise, his wing was healed and good as new. And he took to the sky and flew higher than before.

His glory was short-lived though. A passing hawk saw him and snatched him up for dinner in no time.

Moral: Bullsh-- can get you places, but won't let you stay there."
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Now, for some SNK Engrish. For those who Don't know what SNK is, it's a videogame company based in Japan. Their name means "Shin Nihon Kikaku," or in english "New Japan Project." When it comes to games, they're one of the best out there. When it comes to English though, they suck big time. Here's a sampling of bad SNK Engrish:

(Credit goes to "Ryan 'Nemesis300' Kelly," Robert Iu, their respective FAQs from which I took the quotes, SNK for making these ridiculously bad English quotes and giving me a kick out of playing the games they came from, and of course to www.gamefaqs.com)

From Fatal Fury 3:

"W...What?! Mai, what in the name of the Great Ice Cream Salesman are you doing here?"
(Comment: Great Ice Cream Salesman? Wha????)

"Okey, buster, don't come any closer or you're thousand-slice salami!:"
(Comment: Crap, how lame...)

"W-What in the name of Nervin the Ninja!"
(Comment: Who the hell's Nervin, and how'd he become a ninja?)

From Art of Fighting 1:

(In this game, you play one of two characters with the same goal: save a damsel in distress. One of the characters you can use is her older brother, the other's her boyfriend. The game itself was dead average, and stole little of Street Fighter 2's thunder. It was memorable though because before each fight your character would have a dialogue exchange with his opponent, and these exchanges often sucked. Still, the game had two sequels made after it, so it must have been popular).

"Character: Tell me where my sister is!

Opponent: "Ask for it with your power!"

(You, of course beat the joker up. This enemy by the way is the easiest in the game, and he only has two moves which do essentially the same thing :P)

"Opponent (after being beaten): I don't know where she is. Jack at "Mac's Bar" might know!"

(Comments: Why talk so tough if you don't know where his danged sister is?!? Not only that, you had to insult a Karate champion on the streetfight circuit. Idiot. If you told him right from the start to go to Mac's Bar there would be no problem. Even then, what kind of fool names his bar "Mac's Bar" anyway?)
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And, though this joke is old, it still cracks me up. once upon a time a company named Toaplan made a game called "Zero Wing." Originally in Japanese, it was "translated" into english by someone who obviously was not skilled in the language at all. What followed became the basis for the "All Your Base" phenomenon.

The english was so bad it was turned into a flash animation you can download at http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/story.shtml. I got the transcript of the game's ntro sequence from there as well, and here it is, the intro to Zero Wing:

"In A.D. 2101
War was beginning.
Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What!
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's You!!
Cats: How are you gentlemen!!
Cats: All your base are belong to us.
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!!
Cats: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Cats: HA HA HA HA ....
Captain: Take off every 'zig'!!
Captain: You know what you doing.
Captain: Move 'zig'.
Captain: For great justice.

Ok, let's cap it at that.

So, I am a Destabilizer

Yes, I'll admit it: I hate the GMA administration. I hate her government, and the fact that she is ruling on a falsified mandate. And I'll admit this:

I, MIGUEL T., 21 YEARS OF AGE, UNEMPLOYED AND ANNOYED, WANT THE PRESIDENT
I HELPED PUT IN POWER DURING THE EDSA II REVOLT OUSTED.

So guess what, now I am a de-stabilizer, no better than a communist moron or a southern separatist.

To quote an article originally posted on www.inq.net:

TO MALACAÑANG, the word destabilizer these days means either of two things: someone who calls for the ouster of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo or anyone who links the First Family to "jueteng."

Such a definition was put forward yesterday by Executive Secretary Eduardo Ermita.

Guess what, Mr. Ermita. You are right. I want you and all your colleagues to high-foot it out of government. You Mr Ermita, along with: President Arroyo, Mike Arroyo and all their children, Jose De Venecia, and Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales out of power. I am a destabilizer. Heck, call me a seditionist. I don't care. Call me a rebel for using my divine right to freedom of speech. Call me a seditionist for expressing my views while not causing any true societal trouble. Call me evil because I merely dislike the system but do not go to war for it or start coup de etats.

Yes, I guess that today, to the Malacanang, I am just as guilty and sinful as the NPA rebel who keeps fighting a lost cause. I am a labelled destabilizer the same way Moro Separatists are considered destabilizers. Apparently, I am now in league with Satan, Josemaria Sison, Kumander Robot, or any of the modern-day demons in society today.

Forgive me if I do not Romanticize the Philippine condition by saying that Filipinos are resilient anyway and will get through these hard times. Sorry if I honestly believe that a government governing a desperately poor nation with inhumanly poor citizens is on the pathway to hell. SORRY, IF I BELIEVE THAT SAYING THAT THE POOR JUST HAVE TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES IS AN ESCAPIST STATEMENT BY AN INUTILE GOVERNMENT. To quote again that government mule Eduardo Ermita:

"We encourage our fellow Filipinos to work harder on their own try to strive to get jobs and do the best under the situation to fend for themselves," said Executive Secretary Eduardo Ermita in a briefing in a Malacañang.

"We Filipinos are known for our strength of character and resiliency to be able to stand up to trying moments such as this. This is not the first time that we are finding difficulties," said Ermita who recalled the economic crises from the 1960s to the 1980s.

"Somehow we pulled through and we are confident that if we try hard enough instead of blaming many people or any agency for this we will improve our conditions."

Getting jobs is hard enough for the educated, more so for the millions of uneducated in the workforce. Yes, we Filipinos are have strength of character and resiliency but why is it that in spite of that we are not getting better? The answer: government holds us back. If resiliency is all that matters, we'd be the richest nation in the world. If Christian values like fortitude and martyrdom were the most powerful solutions, we should be the new world power of this age. Are we?

NO!!! Because we forget that We also need To have good, morally upright, and credible leadership, along with a morally upright, educated and virtuous citizenry.

Yes I am a rebel, seditionist, de-stabilzer, separatist, and what not. I am violating the "divine" law of GMA that dictates that permits are needed to rally, that the poor should fend for themselves in impossible times with minimal government aid, and that press freedom's situation in the country as endangered is exaggerated.

But oh well, you can trust me on this thing: I hate being right. Being right means that my country is as sick as I think, and I really wish that it wasn't.

Terminal Stupidity Redux: The Heckler's Edition!

Again, the news is rife with so many stupid items one cannt help but laugh. Instead of the usual mad ranting, i'll just heckle at the items as they appeared in www.inq7.neet.

Genius Number 1: Ignacio Bunye

"MALACAÑANG Tuesday said it was unfair and an exaggeration for the United States-based Committee to Protect Journalists (CPJ) to identify the Philippines as the most murderous country for media practitioners.

"The statements are exaggerated and far from the actual conditions that are prevailing," Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye told reporters at a news conference.

Bunye said press freedom was considered an "honored principle" in this country."

Comment: Yeah. 13 journalists dead in the past year and three dead so far this year is not a fair indication of the endagerment of the press. Way to go. Your genius is so staggering that even Darwinian evolution cannot explain the unbelievable progress you have made in reasoning.

"He (Bunye) said any journalist who felt threatened could always seek the protection of the Philippine National Police which, he pointed out, had been giving "special attention" to the media murders."

Comment: Seek help from the suspected killers in the Esperat case? HAHAHAHAHA! HEY, MISTER MURDEROUS POLICEMAN, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT KILL ME BECAUSE THERE'S STILL SO MUCH MUD I WANNA SLING IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!!!

...stupid!

Fortunato Abat

For those who don't know, this man warned of replacing the government with a new one ruled by the police and military. Just as the plans were being set in motion last May 1, he chickened out.

Hehehehe. Spineless old man, apparently he wanted people power to oust the president, not a coup as the Labor Day plotters wanted.

What makes this guy that the people will willingly plunge the country into military rule?

Foolish.

Ok, enough for now. Watch out for the next exciting episode of "Terminal Stupidity!"