GMA's Unpopular Streak

Looks like president Gloria "Makakapal" Arroyo is now more unpopular than she ever was in the past four years. I'm not surprised. I've been wanting to drive her out of office for ages now and I really think that her low popularity is good news.

Anyway, to celebrate her fall from grace, I wrote this story not too long ago and wish to share it with everyone. Enjoy.

Cerveca Filipina

Snap, fizz, pop: out poured the black Munich beer from its bottle. The fluid had the consistency and appearance of coffee, the frothy bubbles of cola, and the bittersweet flavors of malt and hops. Beer had over a thousand flavors and their interplay resulted in its unique bitter flavor.

None of these mattered to Ban as he drank his fill. It did not matter to him either that, just beyond his home, there was another huge uprising in EDSA that promised yet another new age, another fresh start for a government that was anything but fresh. Nor did it matter to him that just outside his place all his neighbors were planning to go to EDSA and participate in the proceedings. “Another revolt, another start, another crash” Ban said to himself as he emptied his first bottle of the dark beer.

The country’s existence had become synonymous with crisis. Yet another president had been accused of corruption and found out. Unfair tax measures which rendered Ban’s wallet nearly bare had been put in place. A policeman who sought to be president has once again accused the president who tried to be a policeman of some election-related plunder. People became incensed, and took to the streets.

“At least,” thought Ban to himself, “I will always have good beer.”

The streets first brought her into power anyway, and once before the streets tried to take her out. Ban remembered fond memories of having had a dream of a better Philippines. He dreamt of a better country not run by gamblers and jueteng lords, but by transparent politicians. For once, he thought that democracy might actually work. Was a better life too much to ask for? Were humane standards of living, better wages, healthcare, peace and order not but bare necessities for life as we know it?

“Democracy’s not about what people need. It’s about what people think they need.” Ban thought, as he stood for a moment to fetch yet more of the dark beer from his cooler.

In the grand macrocosm of the country’s being, there were millions of dreams and desires. For some they wanted to gratify themselves with more money and wealth. For some they simply wanted to help their neighbors. Most simply sought a better life than what they’d got and they were willing to take to the streets to eject two previous presidents just for this end. Ban was reminded of his pal Johnny who simply wanted to build a future for IT in the country and to have given all those fresh computer graduates a chance at a future they could not have had under a drunkard ruler. He remembered his friend Mike whose lifelong dream was to make peace with the communists and to finally work out a cooperative relationship with them not possible under a jueteng lord and an imbecile. Then he also recalled how those in power probably have dreams and aspirations, selfish as these were.

So many people, so many dreams and aspirations, and none of them ever granted to satisfaction. “Just like beer” Ban thought to himself. “Millions of flavors competing to ultimately form one bittersweet taste.”

“To hell with it.” Ban finally concluded. “You will always be with me, won’t you?” he finally said to the slender curves of the beer bottle.

Snap. Fizz. Pop.

Rantings: A List

1) First of all, my deepest condolences to the earthquake victims in Indonesia. After the Tsunami of December 26, this certainly was the last thing they needed. My prayers will be with them. Having said that, it seems that the Pacific Ring of Fire is in an uproar, so readers, prepare for the worst over here.

2) Susan Roces' petition to take the place of her late husband in their election protests has been turned down by the Supreme Court. How can we find out who really won the election now?

3) I've been haviung trouble catching the airing time of Mythbusters on the Discovery channel--anyone know the specific airing times in SE Asia? The show always cracks me up.

4) Anyway, enough gloom. Time to write about a particular piece of news that has really sparked my interest. As everyone knows, I am an avid gamer, and I particularly enjoy fighting games (I used to be a slave to RPGs, but time constraints in college changed that). Just as I was considering having the PS2 repaired, Namco announces that they are currently developing Soul Calibur 3, and it will be PS2 only.

This game's predecessor was a heavy favorite with the SWC (Soul Cal 2 sessions are still one of our top activities to this day). To top things off, Namco announced that the new title will have a create-a-character mode. Nice. My dreams of making a Magellan vs. Lapu-Lapu dream match are about to be realized. Better yet, I can now create Zorro in the game and make him duel with a custom-made Yagyuu Jubei in a match for the ages.

This also means that my now-nonexistent lovelife won't be getting any closer to existing. But who cares when I can whup polygonal fighters all day long?

Anyway, let me take time to reminisce about my favorite fighting game series and how its storyline has evolved over the years. (Note: very nerdy section up ahead. Read only if interested, if not, skip to point number 4).

A) SoulEdge- The first game in the series. Best known for its excellent PS1 port. Introduced players to the SoulEdge, the ultimate embodiment of evil in the form of two swords and wielded by the undead pirate Cervantes. Of the entire cast, four characters made it to Spain to face the evil Pirate Cervantes: LiLong, Sophitia, Taki, and Siegfried. LiLong fights first then gets thrashed, gains notoriety for being the only character in the whole series to die and stay dead. Sophie is up next, she succeeds in destroying one-half of the SoulEdge, but the sword shatters and turns into deadly shrapnel which lodge themselves in her system, rendering her effectively knocked out. Taki continues the fight and slashes Cervantes, but fails to destroy the other half of the sword, which turns into a frightening demon. Being in no shape to fight a demon, Taki leaves and carries Sophitia off with her. Siegfried finishes the job by killing the demon and he assumes ownership of the remaining half of SoulEdge. Since the demon wasn't really dead, it proceeds to possess Siegfried.

Random Trivia about the game: At the end of Souledge, Sophitia was taken care of by two people: a young blacksmith in her hometown whom she gets engaged to, and her younger sister Cassandra who later took her place in Soul Cal II.

B) Soul Calibur- The secondgame, best known for its Dreamcast edition. In this one everyone from the previous game except LiLong returned. Siegfried in his possessed form called Nightmare is defeated by three warriors from China, who have between them three sacred weapns: a sacred sword, staff, and mirror. Xianghua, youngest of the three, personally duels with Nightmare and defeats him, but loses her sacred sword (the Soul Calibur) in the process.

Random Trivia: Sophitia went again on a quest to destroy the remaining pieces of the Soul Edge, but the 3 warrior from China beat her to it. Since her mission was over, she went home, got married, and had two kids. She's also the only character in the series who's married with children. Also, Cervantes never got killed: all those years under demonic influence made him as immortal as any demon.

C) Soul Calibur II: It truns out that the sword was not shattered completely, the remaining pieces fused with Xianghua's sacred sword and corrupted it to form a new Souledge, albeit incomplete. The new sword then seeks out the remaining shards that have since scattered worldwide. Pieces of the old SoulEdge end up everywhere: one ends up in the modern-day Philippines, one ends up in Greece, another in China. Nightmare gets one piece himself and goes back to his demonic ways, so does Cervantes. Bottomline: everyone who gets a hold of a shard ends up looking for all the others, either to destroy them for good or to collect them all for world domination (or something).

Random Trivia: Remember that part about a shard ending up right here in the Philippines? That ain't a typo: one of the new characters IS a 15-year old babaylan named Talim. Too bad that she was designed in such a way that she's earned a lot of nicknames, not all of them flattering: Best Wife, Nature Girl, Jailbait, Lolicom (short for "Lolita Complex," pedophilia directed at underage girls). She was obviously designed to cater to players with disturbing fetishes towards underage girls and priestesses/religious figures and the fact that she's even more demure and laid-back than a bag of rocks doesn't help with the stereotyping. To be fair, she plays very well and is one of the easiest characters to learn (one of my favorites from a gameplay standpoint). Still, I wish those danged Japanese designers would see their Southeast Asian neighbors as more than breeding dens for fetish-fodder. Anyway.

And there we have it, a shortened version of the games' histories. Whew. I hope the Designers answer all the racial stereotyping the games hae had. European women are always scantily clad with unrealistically shapely figures even if they've been married with two kids. Chinese characters are hyperactive if women and silent-but-deadly if men. Southeast Asian women are fetish fodder. Koreans are always portrayed as the rebellious type, and so on. The stereotyping has to stop.

4) See you in the next update!

World Issues

1) Hey it's my first update since signing off last Wednesday. What a better way to re-start the blog than to rant about a case that has become very close to my heart: the Terri Schiavo debate. Is it ok for the US justiuce system to declare a US citizen as beyond help, and thus unworthy of life support? The patient is ill, barin-damaged, and beyond help from a medicval standpoint, and thus was cut from life support.

On one side we have the relatives of the patient who gave up the struggle to keep Terri on life support just today, after realizing the futility of the situation. On the other side we have the courts of Florida who decided to pull the plug since they find that nothing can save the patient anymore. Well, here's my take on it: it is not morally offensive for one beyond help to have his or her life support cut off granted that all possible, reasonable measures to ensure survival have failed. In a sense, if her situation really is that hopeless, pulling the plug won't be a problem, as long as the patient is not euthanized outright and nature is allowed to take its course.

There is a problem though when things are done without the patient's consent. The "right to die" in extraordinary cases such as this is not a "duty to die." The courts have no right to impose their will on the patient. As the patient cannot give her consent on the matter, the relatives get to make her say for her as they are closest to her. Pulling the plug is not a problem, but doing it against the relatives' will is a problem.

Anyway, it looks like the relatives have finally given up, so the issue is more or less solved for me.

2) Michael Jackson really strikes me as insane. I honestly think he touched that kid the wrong way, and his record shows that this is not his first molestation case. When it happened the first few times, it was still doubtful, but since he's still up to it 'til now, things smell fishy. No offense meant to the guy, I know that he has never been convicted, but if he is guilty I hope he gets thoroughly penalized.

3) I can't shake the feeling that the Pope won't last the year. No offense meant to anyone, I pray for his safety myself every night, but he really, really looks ill, plus not being able to celebrate the Easter Mass struck me as alarming. Too bad, he is such an excellent Pope (anyone who can drive away the communists is a hero to me). I really hope he gets better.

4) Do you believe in extraterrestrials? Do you honestly believe they exist and come to Earth in their UFO's to conduct grotesque experimentations and mutilations towards human beings and livestock? Me, I dunno. I've never seen an alien before, except in movies. In the Philippines though, one need not look far to find people who seem out of this world. Politicians, policemen, military personnel never seem to be on the same wavelength as the people. Kinda makes me wonder whether we're being secretly ruled by aliens right now.

5) If Darna came before Wonder Woman, then why do a lot of Filipinos still think Darna's the clone? Speak of Wonder Woman, could you believe that in her first incarnation she actually wore boxers? Stupid.

6) Superman, Superboy, Supergirl. Wow, the comic book industry is sooo creative in naming their heroes.

7) Y'know why Superman doesn't sell to well nowaday's? He's too perfect! No one can kill him for good, and by the comic's end you know he will win. Look at the other heores who've outsold Superman in this generation. Spiderman is no perfect hero, he's constantly in doubt of himself and full of adolescent angst. Hellboy is a demon from hell who is trying to get some good done, same goes with Spawn. Batman has the gothic charm going for him, plus he's far from invincible--he's just a vengeful child deep inside trying to avenge his parents. All these other heroes ave some human traits. What does Superman have? One, he's an alien. Two, he's invincible. Three, he always wins. four, no one can kill him for good. Dang man, he's so perfect no one cares anymore.

8) Dang, I really hope that we see a comic book revolution in the Philippines, and I'm not talking about neo-manga or that stuff in Culture Crash. When will he get a revival of Kapitan Kidlat, Panday, Kalabog en Bosyo, etc?

9) Ok, I'm beat. See you people next time (yeah, all three of you).

A Little Reminder

In observance of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Black Saturday, I won't be updating the blog (or going online) for those three days. I will be returning on Easter Sunday.

As an added note, I am currently trying to rewrite the previous post in order to filter out the potentially shaky statements. Maybe the SR guys (guy?) can help out.

Wow! I Bashed Everyone!

It seems to me that the fad these days in the birth control debate is to bash the Church for taking its anti-birth control stance. What really bothers me is how people tend to sound uninformed when exploring the issue. Conrado de Quiros for one, someone I really respect as a columnist and writer, really exhibits some misunderstanding of Church doctrine when he wrote on the issue in yesterday's Inquirer, in his column "There's The Rub: God's Will:"

"In the end, it isn't just government that's showing contempt for the people. The Church is, too. You do not show respect for human beings by equating dignity with fertility, the divine spark with vulgar number. In any case, the growing litter the women of this country will be towing behind them isn't likely to land in Church, it is only likely to land in jail."

He effectively implied that the Church is for uncontrolled population growth because fertility equals dignity and should thus not be suppressed. I understand that this may not have been the final intent given the context of the whole article, but the choice of words used in the passage can be read as such by a closed mind. Don't get me wrong: Mr. De Quiros is still an excellent writer I aspire to be like, and his article on the history of the AFP in relation to the coups against the Aquino administration was pure gold. But let me set things straight. The Church actually never said anything to the effect that birth control is an evil. Well, maybe they do not like the artificial means, but birth control itself was encouraged by them. In fact, as this passage from the encyclical "Populorum Progressio" would show, they even acknowledged the need for it, and any bishop that saya otherwise is a liar:

Taken from Pope Paul VI's "Populorum Progressio," March 26, 1967

Population Growth

37. There is no denying that the accelerated rate of population growth brings many added difficulties to the problems of development where the size of the population grows more rapidly than the quantity of available resources to such a degree that things seem to have reached an impasse. In such circumstances people are inclined to apply drastic remedies to reduce the birth rate.

There is no doubt that public authorities can intervene in this matter, within the bounds of their competence. They can instruct citizens on this subject and adopt appropriate measures, so long as these are in conformity with the dictates of the moral law and the rightful freedom of married couples is preserved completely intact. When the inalienable right of marriage and of procreation is taken away, so is human dignity.

Finally, it is for parents to take a thorough look at the matter and decide upon the number of their children. This is an obligation they take upon themselves, before their children already born, and before the community to which they belong—following the dictates of their own consciences informed by God's law authentically interpreted, and bolstered by their trust in Him. (39)

So, it's very clear that the Church actually equates dignity not with the ability to procreate per se, but the freedom to do so. Only when birth control is shoved down one's throat is dignity lost, and this isn't happening--yet. Of course, there are safeguards the Church put in place, like concepts such as "moral law." The trouble with this is that the most fundamental moral law is rather general: "do good, avoid evil." Of course that is universal, but one belief system's good is another's evil. Now let's assume, for sake of discussion, that the Church interpretation of this moral law also says one must never use artificial means. Here again people get into trouble. In a democratic country like ours, where church and state are separate, the Church must realize a simple fact: not all Filipinos are Catholics. If you are a Catholic, you of course should know your stuff about the issue and why the priests at the pulpits are so adamant about the issue. I for one am a pro-life Catholic, no questions asked. But what about my friend Faith in Palawan who's Born Again? What about her boyfriend? Look, one group's good is never exactly the same as another's.

People have told me that a problem arises also since the right seriously thinks that life and its value is a universal and should always be respected. Granted, there can be again no question on that. But the way that differrent faith systems respect life can differ. The world of democracy is one of grays. Democracy allows for different shades of gray and not just black and white when it comes to stands on issues, that's just how it is. I'll be first to admit that it really stinks when religions just can't get along with regards the way life is valued, but this is a democracy we live in, and there is, whether you like it or not, no one universally accepted stand on the issue. I don't like it myself. It will be a cold day in hell when you catch me resorting no artificial means. But in a "free" country, no one belief system can lord over another.

When the Church's interpretation of moral law, no matter how right their interpretation may be, conflicts with another faith's, it is restricting another religion's right to practice its faith to the fullest. How would the Church feel if the Muslims suddenly say: "hey, you can't hold mass anymore because we find your songs go against the teachings of Allah." That would be unfair, but the Muslims would be simply doing what they see as good and avoiding what they believe evil. Basically, the Church is accomplishing just that by, let's say, declaring that: "our teachings are universal, and we say that you gentiles will go to hell because you do contraception." Democracy is not about right or wrong, but whatever works best for the majority, sad to say.

Now, before you guys flame me and call me a heretic, relax. I know the Church is not doing this by intent, but they inadvertently are by trying to get into lawmakers' heads. I am simply stating a simple truth: in a country where Church and State are free and there is freedom of religion, no one religion may influence policy-making in any way for the whole separation of church-state concept to work. All the Church can do is to impose its will upon its constituents alone. In an ideal world, they can go beyond this, but this is not an ideal world. They cannot make any moves that will hamper the practice of other religions to their fullest extent. The idea is to treat each religion and belief system as equal, and that includes the atheists for those wondering. I know I am taking a very unpopular stance here. First I criticized Conrado de Quiros, then the bishops who chat too much on the issue. Bottom-line: face the fact that the only way that Church influence can be a factor in policy-making is if the Philippines were to become a theocracy, and that will make more problems than it will solve. If the Church cannot trust its flock to make the right choice as faith dictates, then it demonstrates not a flaw within the country's laws alone, but within the Philippine Church itself, a flaw of the shepherd and not merely the sheep. In such cases, I would dare say that the shepherd better worry about his or herself first before meddling in the state's affairs. God is perfect, yes. But not His Church on Earth.

Some notes....

I) Rants:

1) First of all, just as I thought, that certain boxing match which happened recently ended with the loss of our "hometown hero." Well, he lost all his hero points from me after posing with the President but to everyone else he still is a hero. What did I think of it? Big deal. Provided good entertainment while it lasted.

2) The ChaCha fandub project of the SWC is officially dead. With no one capable of rendering a half-decent performance as ChaCha (we are all guys, duh), we have no choice but to can the project indefinitely. Too bad, we were really looking forward to it, in fact the plan was in place looong before the official formation of the SWC (HS pa!).

3) Anyone saw the Ginebra San Miguel commercial for summer? The one with three losers in this beach scoping out girls from afar like pathetic voyeurs because they're too torpe to do more than ogle? If you haven't good for you. It's soooo bad it's not even funny. First of all, you're lucky to run across girls in the beach who actually have supermodel figures (take it from a reformed voyeur). You have a better chance of catching the plague or seeing the second coming of the dinoaurs. Most of all, it's an affront to all women for they are being degraded into mere objects to be judged by voyeuristic men. Why do you think I quit voyeurism? Yup, because my religion teacher said that if I don't, I'll burn in hell! But seriously, besides that there is this thing called human dignity which people have to recognize.

4) Wow, I wanna go to the sea... actually, I got a place in mind where we might be able to chill for a few days in April. Since a friend owns it, we have to pay nil for the house, water and electricity but we'll have to bring our own food and potable water. April 16-17 whereabouts seems to be the best date for now. The downside is that the place is rather secluded. What the heck, that's why I love it. Anyway, I hope the place is free on the days planned then I'll see how logistics should go, as long as I don't pay too much.

II) LSS: The Videogame Edition

First, people all know by now wat LSS is. Popularly know as "Last Song Syndrome," it is that phenomenon where people find themselves with song stuck in their heads because of the sheer catchiness of the tune, or the complete and total stupidity and incoherence of the lyrics. Well, videogames have their fair share if inexplicably catchy tunes. Here are some that keep haunting me to this day:

1) The Super Mario Brothers' Theme (Super Mario Brothers, Nintendo)
-This song plays the moment you begin a new game at Mario. The tune is upbeat, a throwback to Carribean music styles like Reggae and Calypso. Future installments of Super Mario Brothers, most notably Super Mario Brothers 3 would continue with this trend, but the first game takes the cake for being the game to first make use of these tunes.

2) Psycho Soldier (Psycho Soldier, SNK)
-SNK has a long, fine tradition of mauling the English language into gibberish so stupid it's funny. It almost makes you want to wonder why they even bothered to dub their games. While mostly remembered now for their fighting games, they used to dabble into platform jumping games as well. During these days long gone they made Psycho Soldier. No, it's not a game about some psychotic soldier trying to save the president's daughter (though that would have been cool, SNK actually made a game dedicated to that called Ikari Warriors III). It's about a psychic highschool girl who also happens to be a pop idol named Athena Asamiya (the same one from King of Fighters) who fights evil for world peace, or something stupid like that. Being a pop star, she sings her own song in the game! Unfortunately, while the tune is sickeningly catchy, the lyrics are funny to say the least! She sings stupid stuff to the effect that "I am a magical girl so you baddies better cower in fear!" and "I can read your mind whether you've been good or bad!" Lastly, the refrain easily takes the cake for flat-out silliness, where she keeps proclaiming "Fire! Fire! Psycho soldier!" She sounds more like Santa Claus' psychotic bastard child with arsonist tendencies.

3) The "Wakka Wakka" Sound (PacMan, Namco)
-Anyone who's played PacMan knows what I mean. The sound PacMan makes when he eats the little dots on screen is hypnotic as heck. The cute little song that plays when he begins the level is also timeless.

4) The AAAaaaa!!!!! *splat* Sound (Prince of Perisa, Broderbund)
-Prince of Persia was a hellishly hard game that had to be completed in under an hour. You could take as many tries as needed, but you only had an hour to defeat the evil vizier and save the princess. For some, they found ways to finish the game. For mortals like me, the game was memorable for something else: the many fun ways you could get killed. In fact, I call it "Suicide Derby." The best, by far, had to be death from falling down a height higher than 2 storeys. The prince would scream at the top of his lungs then go *splat!* ont the floor. Timeless. It has to be the best videogame death anywhere.

5) The Hero's March (Quest For Glory Series, Sierra On Line)
-The Hero's March is the song which plays the very moment Quest for Glory players leave town for the first time in the first and fourth games. Only a little over 15 seconds long, it's catchy enough to remain on the player's head for good.

There are a couple of others, like Souledge's opening song and such, but I really don't want to add entries which are from new games. The simple tunes are always the catchiest. If I do decide to update this list with newer titles, it'll be some time from now.

A Simple Riddle of Logic

Premises:
--------------
1) The text below me is true
2) The text above me is false
--------------

Question:
Which line speaks the truth?

The one with a definite answer gets a prize from me. Hehe.

Stupid Law Enforcement

Leopoldo Bataoil is an idiot. For those wondering who this sick mistake of Darwinian evolution is, he is the Senior Superintendent who apparently is trying his best to end the hostage situation in Camp Bagong Diwa. I call him an idiot not because of his brave attempts at trying to end the situation peacefully. I am also not bashing his nonexistent ability to sound convincing on the microphone. I am referring to this gem of a statement this lowly government grunt said when asked: "Don't you consider the other inmates not affiliated with the Abu Sayyaf as hostages?"

The moron (like most of his fellows in the military and police would say) replied: "No. Dahil sa kasamaan nila hindi sila hostage." In short, the inmates who had nothing to do with the riot were not considered hostages because they were criminals. Nevermind the fact that the crimes they committed and that landed them in jail have nothing to do with the riot. They were just as expendable as the rioters.

Stupid huh? Even the darkest past cannot be used to darken anyone's future.

But then again, you can't expect terribly smart answers from law enforcement or the military. Heck, I've seen a magic 8-ball churn out smarter answers.

Tales of the Lost...

If there is one thing that I wish I never inherited from my mom, it's my sense of direction. Simply put, I get lost without even trying.

Case in point: last night, as I made my way home from a meeting with college friends (had my best night in years too) I knew very well that I should have been going to EDSA. My friends and I were at Greenbelt at that time, so of course EDSA was logically the best way to go if I wanted to get home to my cosy little haven here in Alabang.

So, like any good driver, I asked directions from a person who knew how to go southbound from Makati better than I did. Here was the gist of our exchange:

Me: "I hope I don't get lost on the way home..."
Carla: "Basta naman nahanap mo na yung Makati Ave. ok ka na!"

So I did look for this place "Makati Ave." First I drove aimlessly across a few streets until I eventually bumped into a sign which read:

To EDSA: Go straight
To C5: Go straight, Take Kalayaan

Now remember that this was my first time in Makati so I had no real idea how to get home. So I followed the sign and went straight. I eventually bumped into a street sign which read: "Makati Avenue." So of course I thought: "hey, I must be on the right track because I found Makati Avenue!" So, like an idiot, I kept going STRAIGHT instead of merging with Makati Avenue.

The next sign I read said:

To Cubao: Straight
To C5/Fort Bonifacio: Straight

My reaction of course was: "what the h---!?! I thought I was going to EDSA!!!!! What in blazes am I doing heading to a military installation!?!"

Before I knew it, I realized that my superior homing instincts had gotten me lost, again. Instead of ending up in EDSA, I found myself in Market! Market! In no time at all. Fortunately for me, I would pass by the said department store all the time when heading home from work, so I still found my way home. I literally took "the road less travelled," and it definitely "made all the difference" in my gas bill. Still, I still made it home, though that is one adventure I would hate to repeat.

Creative Project: Redux

I am aware that at this point, these following chapters in my sucky story are too dragging. Any help on how to either sanitize or shorten the narration will be greatly appreciated.

For those wondering how I got the idea for a murder so sadistic, let's just say that reading Bram Stoker and Edgar Allan Poe along with a smattering of Gestapo tactics taught me a thing or two. rest assured that I am not a sadist in real life (those who know me personally very well know that I am quite the polar opposite). Though when it comes to literature, I have one helluva dark side.

-----------------------------------------------------
MEMO
April 18, 10:00 PM
Fr: Agent P. Rodrigo
To: The Overseer, Order of Phoebus
Re: New Acquisition

Just as planned, we have acquired the services of Keith Merano, age 22, residing in Ayala Westgrove, Laguna. He’s still green and inexperienced, but if he’s as any good as the Supreme Commander says he is, we’re in for one hell of a ride. The Supreme Commander seems very excited to see him in action.

I will meet him personally tomorrow. I have assigned a very special case for him. After the completion of his case, he will report to me to give his report, which I will them submit to you for evaluation.

-END-

Keith Merano’s Journal
April 19, 2005
12:00 PM

First day on the job, and I already got a high-profile case. A certain agent Pedro Rodrigo met me a while ago to give me the details of my job and my case. First, the job: I am to submit my daily journal to him every night to enable him to track my progress. Our communications from this point on until the resolution of the case will be primarily via e-mail. We are not to make physical contact until the case is solved. The pay will be automatically wired to my bank account. When gathering evidence, I must be careful not to intrude with police procedure. The Order is may have a favorable relationship with the police, seeing as several of our members hold positions in the police corps, but we should never take the spotlight. In fact, no one is to know we exist.

Now, onto the case. Judging from the files our contacts in the NBI copied for us, there is no question that it was a murder. The body belonged to that of a young starlet named Lolita De La Costa, 18 years of age, former student of UA&P taking up entrepreneurship. She was quite the school idol. She was smart for her age and entered college at the age of fifteen. She proved to be so influential and persuasive on the public stage that she single-handedly managed to convince the university board to remove all gender restrictions of their courses, primarily from their entrepreneurship course, which due to some obscure medieval belief, up to then prevented women from taking up the course. She was also very beautiful and a commercial model. She received several calls to pose for men’s magazines such as FHM but rejected them all due to her being a devout Opus Dei supernumerary. On top of that, she was in tip-top physical condition and held black belts in Jujitsu, Wushu, and Eskrima. This heartbreaker it turns out was capable of breaking hearts both literally and figuratively.

Until of course, the heartbreaker was found with her heart literally in the wrong place. She was abducted in her sleep in the night of April 14 then found in a warehouse in Cavite just yesterday morning. The media was barred from covering the murder for the time being, and for good reason. She was not only murdered: her death was planned with the obvious desire to maximize her suffering. When her body was found, she was still wearing her pink silk nightgown. It was dangling from the warehouse ceiling in a most grotesque fashion. Her legs were shackled tightly around the ankles and her wrists shackled at her back. Her wrists and ankles were then chained together by the shackles. At the point where her hands and feet were bound she was hung from a chain linked to a pulley attached to the ceiling.—a bizarre, loathsome chandelier. To top it off, a twenty-pound weight was left dangling from a chain connected to a thick leather belt around her waist, presumably to increase the strain to her limbs.

There were no signs of sexual abuse. She was not wounded in any way, except for some inevitable cuts and clots on her wrists and ankles. Whoever killed her obviously had no designs over her chastity. The cause of death was determined as arsenic poisoning. She was injected with small amounts of arsenic at regular intervals through her shoulder. She must have been lowered every few hours or so via pulley then injected. Judging from the state of her corpse, she died only a full hour before the police found her. She also was apparently fed at regular intervals, judging from the fact that she had not seemed to have lost much weight.

The motive eludes me, as well as the authorities. Who would go through such lengths to hurt someone to such an excessive extent? Why would anyone do such a thing? The very thought of someone dangling like that, struggling for dear life for four whole days against a potent, yet slow-killing poison is most abhorrent.

And that’s not all—the suspect is an old friend of mine, whose only real crime in the past was to get dead drunk then subsequently kicked out of the JS prom. If he did carry out this murder, I will rip his heart out myself. If he did not, I will make sure that he gets the pleasure of killing the perpetrator in any way he sees fit.

Creative Projects...

Hi readers! Well, to the three of you who still read this anyway. I finally got around to writing my next story, it's a murder story about a rich young starlet studying in an elite business university in Ortigas who suddenly gets her hopes smashed when she is brutally abducted and murdered by a madman. A classmate of hers who has lost all drive in life suddenly gets framed for the crime. Our detective, a young dude with zero prior experience gets newly drafted by a secret society of detectives for mysterious reasons unknown. I am currently toying with the epistulary form which I got from reading Dracula.

The story will also utilize the "secret society" plot device courtesy of Carla, so many thanks to her for letting me use a version of it in one of my creations.
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Keith Merano’s Journal

April 18, 2005

10:00 PM

Just Got Employed

Damn. This was all I could say when I saw the letter, and to this moment the rush of excitement I got from finally landing a job is still with me. It was the perfect job for a fan of detective stories like me:

“Be a real-life detective! Join us and receive 50,000 a month right off the bat complete with full travel and miscellaneous allowances. Get to work above and beyond the jurisdiction of law enforcement. No experience required.”

That was the sweetest part. “No experience required.” Fresh young talent like me was acceptable. Having high pay also helped. Some group called the “Order of Phoebus” sent this letter to me in the mail. They sent this, along with a slip of paper with a phone number. Or at least that was what it looked like to the average folk. There were three numbers: 192.155.2.0, 255.255.254.2, 255.254.254.1. To anyone without knowledge of computers, these numbers meant nothing. They were in fact three numbers in a typical internet protocol configuration screen. The second set of numbers is the IP Address, a computer’s virtual signature in cyberspace. Anyone who knows this can crack into the computer which owns it.

And crack into it I did. It was easy for me, a computer science major to do so. I was led into a computer with a single solitary folder named “welcome.” Within it was a lone document, which contained this simple greeting:

“Greetings! Congratulations for Figuring out this part of the puzzle. You are just the man we need. Tomorrow, at exactly 9am, go to the front of the Philippine Stock Exchange. You will meet one of our agents there. You will know him when you see him.”

9am then. Well, I better rest myself. Ortigas is far from my cosy little casa in Westgrove, and I better be sure to get there on time. Dang! I got a job!

I Have the Power!!!! (My Arse)

Remember Masters of The Universe and Princess of Power? If you don't, then take a refresher course in this site. To give a brief background, Masters tells the story of prince Adam, better known as He Man as he battles the evil Skeletor in his home planet of Eternia. Princess on the other hand tells the story of his twin sister Adora, also known as She Ra as she goes about her business of ridding the world of Etheria from evil.

A few things really bugged me about the show. One is that Adora and Adam are supposed to be twins, though they look nothing alike. Really. Just compare their pics in this link. I'm convinced that Adam's mom must've been impregnated by two different men and just happened to give birth to her two kids at the same time. I mean, these siblings have nothing in common with one another: one is a muscular, testosterone-overdosed man in a fur loincloth while his "sister" indulges herself in white designer sheets and golden tiaras. Though both are admittedly strong enough to lift a mountain, that's all they have in common.

Another unnerving thing is how all the women in both these shows look alike. Don't believe me? Shave 'em. Shave 'em all, nice and bald, and you won't be able to tell them apart. Same features are prominent on all of them: sharp eyes, same lip shape, the same shape of nose. Maybe all the women in the two shows are children of a common mother who no doubt looks like them too. If it weren't for the hairdo, I would not be able to tell apart Teela of Eternia from Adora of Etheria. Or maybe they're amazons like Wonder Woman and her tribe. I know that Teela and the Sorceress are supposed to look alike because they're mother and daughter, and that the Sorceress is hella old but she just hides it really well (she is a great magician and all). But why do all the other women look like them? Maybe the Sorceress went on a mad birthing spree and gave rise to all the women in Eternia and Etheria. We will never know.

Maybe it's best we never find out. :P

National Issues

1) The House of Representatives wants the Senate abolished due to the recent squabbling between the two. They keep fighting over the national budget. In my opinion, this further shows the BLINDING STUPIDITY of our leaders. First of all, the existence of the Senate is mandated by the constitution. Secondly, the House accuses the Senate of being inutile, which is stupid because the House is itself inutile. We basically here have two inutile powers trying to phase each other out. Idiotic? Of course. Funny? Hell yeah.

2) The Oil Industry is complaining about the new VAT, they complain that it will kill the oil industry. Frankly, for once I agree. VAT on oil will only work in a globalized economy where tariffs aren't imposed on oil. As it is now, oil firms have enough taxes to pay for, adding VAT will just make it worse. Also, I do not want to give the idiotic communists in the country even more reason to get mad.

3) The movie industry blames piracy for its ills. They don't blame the fact that a) all we see from them are either lame superhero movies or porn, b) the industry does not know what the good movies really are (Dekada 70 not winning the Filmfest is a dead indication of this), and that c) a movie industry cannot exist in a country where majority of the audience is too moronic to know what a good movie is. I sincerely hope our pathetic movie "industry" dies as it is now and that it lay low for a while until it can re-assess itself. Piracy is not entirely to blame. The influx of stupid shallow actors (C. Domingo and anyone from Starstruck or SCQ) and actresses (Jennelyn Mercado and her ilk) is to blame. Excessive reliance on sex and violence is to blame. Intrigue without substance is to blame. The immense stupidity of Ruffa Mae Quinto is to blame. OK, maybe not just her, but I still wonder to this day who would win in a stupidity contest between Ruffa Mae and Kris Aquino.

They forget to note one important detail: the best movies, even if pirated, will still have loyal watchers in the movie houses. The good movies are still experienced best in the theater. It's the really average or sucky ones that end up being bought by the hundreds in piracy stalls. If you have an outstanding movie, people will pay for it. Spiderman 2 had a great theater run. So did The Sixth Sense and The Passion of Christ. Jose Rizal did likewise in its day, and back then piracy rates were also very high. The industry should start BLAMING ITSELF. Shape up or die.

4) Ever realize how the local drama genre on TV is finally dead? Now everyone watches Chinovelas, or Korean telenovelas. The reason is simple: these foreign dramas are written well. They have endings. They don't go on forever like some cash cow waiting to be milked dry. How many seasons did "Mara Clara" have? Does anyone remember how it ended, if it ended? Did anyone really care after the, I dunno, 100th time Anna from "Anna Luna" changed residence to get away from her abusive relatives? No one can say when these happened, but people can readily say how Meteor Garden ended. They can readily tell you how Betty La Fea ended. These dramas are written with a goal and end in mind. This is what made them so refreshing.

5) Don't watch Animax. It's crap.

Let's keep it at that.

Random Thinking Yet Again

1) For those wondering why I quit, let's put it this way: If you enjoy wading through medical reports of people suffering from hemorrhoids or hypertension all day, good for you. I found it very draining to be reading works like "Cave and Shadows" in college then suddenly moving on to read about LBM all day.

2) Sorry for the nonexistent literary merit in any of my poems lately. Writing is hard, especially if all you read about in your day job is illness. That's why I quit.

3) I suddenly want to do the "Smoking Fry" test from "Supersize Me" using assorted fastfood french fries. La lang, saya eh.

4) Can anyone teach me the secret to the perfect burger patty? The only rule is that the only meat usable in it is beef. Any other seasonings and additives are ok, as long as the only meat is beef.

5) Anyone want to buy a Sega Dreamcast? Buzz me in the chatterbox if ever.

6) Ditto with anyone who might be interested in adding a Playstation 1 to his collection.

7) Let's keep it at that.

Jobless: Redux

Yo, just resigned from work today, meaning I am 100% unemployed once more. I'd hate to sound worldly or anything, but the job just did not pay the bills. Here's to hoping I get a new one soon.

Anyway, 'til then, let's have some stupid (and morbid) poetry first, shall we?
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This is a story of a certain kid
Who in his foolishness did very well bid
To spend a night with a vampire
In the hope of fulfilling his heart's desire.

The desire to be ageless forever
Immortal, timeless and wilted never.
For this, the boy did so foolishly
Spend a night with an undead beauty.

Only vampires apparently did not really exist
And upon learning this, the boy was pissed.
But still he spent the night in the cemetery
In vain dreams to meet an undead menagerie.

So sleep he did among the numerous graves
This would be necromancer, death he craves
But he did not see one vital detail
For a lone mad dog near him began to wail...

And it struck! Over and over and over!
Until his very body was soon split asunder
There was little left for him even to bury
But at least he made one lone dog merry.

The End